Paradigm Shift

I signed up for my hypnobabies class. Have I talked about that on here yet? Those of you who joined us for our last pregnancy probably remember that I took hypnobirth classes and couldn't stop raving about how awesome they were. They got me through 20 hours of labor PAIN FREE. Well, one of the women in my book club is a certified hypnobabies instructor, which is a different program but still a self-hypnosis program that helps you have a pain-free or nearly pain-free birth. She's giving me a break on the tuition for the classes so I'm taking those this time around, just to add some different tools to my arsenal.

So anyway, I signed up and she sent me the information packet, and on the last sheet she had a list of "cool" OBs and midwives. The midwife thing started me thinking. And y'all know how dangerous that can be.

Anyway, after some mulling, I started to realize a few things:

1. My OB, who told me at my intake appt that I was a great VBAC (vaginal birth after ll be, "Oh, she's *trying* for a VBAC. But she couldn't deliver last time, so..." And then, the minute the birth stops looking textbook, they'll start in with the "Well, you tried, you gave it a good effort, but it looks like you're just not meant to do this." Which is crap. But hey, they have to get that bed cleared so they can get someone else in there. And a c/s means payday for the anesthesiologist, the surgical team, the OB...

3. My c/s last time was unnecessary. There was no distress for either Abby or me. I dilated to 9.5 cm, so it's not like I wasn't progressing. Basically, the doctor and the nurses just didn't know what else to do for me. When things stop going according to plan, their arsenal is pretty much "break water--pitocin--epidural--c/s." No one stopped to say, "Hey, the baby seems to be doing fine, the mom has progressed, there's just *something* keeping the baby up there. Why not try changing her position?" (They had me on my back on the bed the whole time.) "Why not try changing the baby's position?" (Turns out that probably would have worked--the only problem was that she was was tilted at the entrance to the birth canal.) Nope, they just said, "Sorry, you tried, but it ain't working."

Okay, so, mulling over, I found myself pretty depressed. It's not so much that I'm DYING to have a natural birth, so much as it's an issue of me NOT wanting ANOTHER UNNECESSARY major surgery. Especially since I don't get to come home and lie around with a baby--I have to come home and take care of a toddler who isn't going to get why Mommy can't lift her up, plus will probably be a little irritated with this squalling, squirming blob that gets to nurse when she, Abby, doesn't get to anymore. Oh, the issues!

But, there is definitely a great desire to have a natural birth. My body was built by God to do it. It's an experience I very much want to have.

So when I saw the list with midwives on it, I started thinking. Women who birth with midwives have a much lower occurrence of c/s, and far fewer medical interventions. One of the area hospitals has two midwives who work there, one of whom a number of my friends go to and who comes highly recommended. The wheels began to turn.

And then I saw the third midwife name on the list. Next to it was the acronym HBAC. As in "homebirth after cesarean."

Homebirth.

I've never, never considered a homebirth before. But suddenly it seemed to me to be the absolute ideal. The privacy, the freedom, the simplicity--how could I not give this a try?

On November 12 we have a consultation with this midwife, Michelle Freund. She called me yesterday and apologized for not returning my call sooner--she caught three babies in 24 hours over Wednesday and Thursday so she'd been, shall we say, a little preoccupied. She's located in Oceanside, about 40 minutes south of here. I've been emailing Dan with links to various sites that discuss the practical side and safety of homebirthing, and a short discussion today revealed that, while not enthusiastic about the thought, he *is* supportive of it if it's what I really want to do. I think that the meeting with the midwife will clarify a lot for him.

So at this point, I think it's safe to say that my chances of an HBAC are much better than my chances of a hospital VBAC. I don't relish the thought of telling my OB I'm leaving her practice--I'm strongly tempted to just send her a letter--and I'm not expecting any support from my girlfriends, not that they'll be vocally unsupportive, but I will get weird looks and feel like no one realizes that I've actually done research on all this and didn't just wake up one day saying, "Hey, here's an idea, let's just stay home!" But they already think I'm nuts and crunchy, so oh well. It would be nice to have them gush and fawn and emphatically agree that this is how a baby's entrance in the world is supposed to be, but they won't and I'll get over it. I've got enough barely-contained excitement to last me awhile.