The Day We've Been Waiting For...But Not

Well, today is the day we've been counting down to, and of course that doesn't really mean anything, but nevertheless, here it is. Last night was the most "productive" night of contractions that I've had so far--I timed them for three hours and the last hour they were between 6 and 9 minutes apart. Of course, after an hour they up and stopped, as they always do, but still, that has to be a good indictation of...something.

Good news for my friend Maaike, though! Maaike was one of the girls I met the year I lived in Scotland, and we've kept in touch over the years and visited each other, and it turns out we got preggo at the same time! She had her baby a few days ago, and the photos are adorable, so if you're up for some oohing and awwing, go to www.vanalphen.net/pictures/default.html.

So today is Chore Day. Laundry, cleaning, organizing, yadda yadda yadda. Such fun. Can't wait till I have the baby here and have a good reason to blow it all off! :)

Looking Up

Well, the drama and emotion of the last couple days has worn off and I'm doing better with the fact that the baby isn't going to be here for Christmas. I have a killer prayer team who really pulled through for me yesterday--I attribute my miraculous decrease in leg pain and boost in spirits to them. (Thank you, small group!!!) My doctor's office called yesterday to give me the lowdown on induction, and it turns out they've already set the date. So, if nothing else, I can say with certainty that we will have a baby by January 6. The induction itself starts on the 4th with a balloon which they insert into the cervix and then inflate to pressure the cervix to dilate. Then on the 5th we go into the hospital around 7 AM (if I don't go into labor before then, that is) and they'll start me on Pitocin if I'm not contracting. Hopefully things will move quickly and it won't stretch to the 6th, but I can't imagine them letting it go past that. Frankly, I can't imagine lasting till the 4th--but then again, I couldn't imagine lasting till now, and here I am.

So tonight we'll go to one of the Christmas Eve services at church, then tomorrow we'll go to Mom and Dad's for family Christmas. Cinnamon rolls for breakfast, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding for lunch....mmmm, a good eats day. :)

Probably won't post till Monday or later, so hey everyone--have a blessed Christmas!

:(

Had my latest OB appointment today and, despite the fact that I've had some whopper contractions lately, I'm still only 1 cm and 30% effaced. In other words, ain't nothin' happenin'. It was not a happy appointment. I cried. A lot. A little embarrassing, but luckily I have a very cool doctor and she's very encouraging. Part of it was frustration, part of it was exhaustion from getting no sleep last night thanks to a horrendous back spasm that had me basically immobile for half an hour and made it nearly impossible to walk this morning, and part of it was the tremendous let down of knowing that the chances are better I'll be having a January baby than a December one. My next appointment is next Thursday, and she said we'll discuss possible induction dates then. That means I won't even be induced until January. Just what this family needs, a fourth January birthday.

So yeah, sucky day in Alisonland. I'm feeling very disconnected from things at the moment--disconnected from the baby because it all just feels like fiction, disconnected from Christmas because I've been focusing so much on the baby. I'm sure a good night's sleep will help me out some, and thankfully my doctor gave me an rx for Ambien, so I may actually get some good sleep for once. And then tomorrow I'll probably go in for another chiropractic appointment--she spent 45 minutes on me this morning trying to work out the kinks that had built up--and that will hopefully help me relax, if nothing else. I can't wait until I can get a decent massage; I feel like I'm going to need a vacation by the time this baby gets here.

The Numbers Game

9, 6, 9, 11, 16

30, 15, 25, 15, 15

DOn't bother looking for a pattern; there isn't one. And that's what's so freaking annoying, because those numbers represent the minutes between contractions that I've timed so far. The first set actually started right after I posted the last time, and the second were during "Chronicles of Narnia," which Dan and I went to see last night. Oddly, I'm only ever able to get 5 intervals, because then they stop.

WHY DO THEY STOP!??!?!?!?!

So tomorrow is my next appointment. Pray, please, that the doctor looks at me in astonishment and says, "Get thee to labor and delivery! You're 8 centimeters dilated!" Wishful thinking, I know, but hey, 'tis the season that is based on birth-related miracles, is it not?

-Alison

"Pregnant Forever," film at 11

Rancho Santa Margarita, CA--A local woman declared today that she believes she will be the first woman in history to be pregnant forever. "It's not the kind of record I'd hoped to set in my lifetime," said Alison Morrow, 29, "but for some reason it's my burden to bear." While her due date is technically still 6 days away, Morrow claims there has been nothing happening to give any indication that the birth is near, and that the baby seems quite content to just stay where it is indefinitely. "There's a first time for everything," she said as she gazed into the nursery that she fears will never be used, "and while some might say, 'Why me?' I say, 'Why not me?' It was bound to happen to someone eventually. I just hope that my doctors are able to come to an understanding of why this is happening so that others may be helped--if there are others who find themselves in the same situation."

Morrow said she'd been wondering lately if perhaps the being inside her was truly human, or if she was somehow carrying some kind of alien life form. "It would certainly explain the mind-boggling movement I've been experiencing. Who's to say there's not some alien race out there using my body as an experiment?" She could not pinpoint a time when she may have been abducted, but points out that a race capable of creating a lifeform that never births could easily come up with ways to conceive that lifeform in a human without her knowing it.

What will she do while she remains pregnant for the rest of her life? "Milk it for all it's worth," she exclaimed. "Forgetfulness, laziness, chocolate cravings--I can deny responsibility for these traits forever. People will forgive you practically anything once they glimpse your burgeoning belly." We had more questions for Morrow, but our interview with her was cut short when she was overcome by the need for Christmas cookies.

Off target

Well, today was our target date for the birth, and it has come and gone. I'm still not actually due for another week, though, so it's not that surprising.

I can't believe Christmas is a week from today. When we found out we were pregnant all those months ago, it just seemed so far away, and here we are, down to the wire with only a few days left to get this kid out by the holiday. Truth be told, I'm starting to think I'll be late, and I feel like I'm in mourning for the ideal I'd been praying for for so long. It would have meant so much to me to have my baby with me on Christmas, and yeah, I know it's still possible, but chances are slim and I have to deal with that.

Blah.

We have progress!

Not much, but any progress is better than none: 1 cm dilated and 20% effaced, hallelujah! I was up for over an hour last night with practice labor and back spasms, so I'm glad I have something to show for it, however small it might be. I know that some women go for weeks at 1 or 2 cm, so it's not like this means labor is imminent--and wouldn't you know it, the doctor isn't even on call this weekend, which was our target weekend that we've been intentioning with hypnobirth since, like, September, so it would actually sorta suck if the baby came the 18th like we've been hoping and praying. But hey, any time this week would be good, and Christmas isn't until a week from Sunday, so we still have plenty of time to work with here. Funny, the nurse was telling me about a woman who is desperate to have her baby ON Christmas, which is what we've been trying to avoid all along. 'Course, that would mean this woman would be having her baby at 43 and half weeks! Can you imagine WANTING to be pregnant that long!?

Shocking.

I actually slept last night. Not the entire night--oh, heavens no, that would be unheard of--but in much longer stretches than usual. And without any leg cramps, hallelujah. My secret? The recliner! Yes, I have ditched the bed for the recliner in the living room, which allows me to give my body a break from being on its side and lets me sleep on my back, surrounded, of course, by pillows galore. But hey, it worked, so I'm happy. I didn't wake up for good until almost 8:30, which is the latest I've slept in a really long time, and I think the longest I was up for in the middle of the night was maybe 45 minutes. And I'm pretty sure I only woke up twice. Not bad at all! Now, one might think that getting all that sleep and waking up relatively refreshed (and, for once, NOT feeling like a 90-year-old arthritic) would mean I'd be buzzing around getting things done today. Not so much. Had breakfast, had a shower, got the mail, made a milkshake, and really that's about all I've had the energy to do. The list of things I need to do is growing by the minute, and really I don't care. Heck, it took me twenty minutes to gather the strength to get upstairs and check my email, and that's something I actually wantwant to do--what will it take to get the strength to, say, clean the bathroom or closet or look for my hot glue gun so I can finish our Christmas wreath? No thanks. I'm just going to sit here and think of more reasons to stare at my computer so I don't have to tackle all those other pesky chores, and dream of going back to sleep tonight.

Full term!

As of yesterday, I am officially considered full term, and this baby can safely make its appearance any time now. THANK HEAVENS. I am SO ready to be done. Just got back from the OB and she said "Things look good." (She's a woman of few words.) No dilating yet, but the baby is definitely head-down, so hallelujah for that. I did the baby's laundry last night--what is it about socks that are only two inches long that is just SO DANG CUTE?!--and everything is organized in the closet and armoire. I shuffled some of the kitchen drawer contents to make room for bibs and bottle stuff last night, too.

And now we wait. Hopefully not too long, though...

Baby Shower!

Yesterday was my big baby shower. It rocked! About 22 women there, tons of awesome gifts, and great food. My friends that put it together really outdid themselves. Dan and I spent today at Babies R Us and Target picking up the last necessities that we'll REALLY need when the baby comes--still lots of stuff to be purchased, but none of it immediately important. For wee little things, babies sure do need a lot of stuff, you know? Well, I suppose that's not entirely true--we as 21st century parents simply expect that certain conveniences, like Pack N' Plays and Boppy pillows and bouncy seats, should be used because they exist and are such great ideas. And what can I say--I've bought that idea hook, line, and sinker.

There were lots of babies there yesterday, and all of them were very well-behaved and cute. (Like that last part is hard.) We lined them up for this great photo--do they or do they not look like a bunch of Cabbage Patch Kids?!

All's well

Just thought I'd post real quick to let y'all know that nothing has been going on with those contractions for the last day and a half. They stopped yesterday morning. Good thing, seeing as we have absolutely nothing for the baby--the shower is on Saturday. (Actually, that's not entirely true; our small group hosted a shower for us on Monday, so we have some adorable clothes, crib sheets, blankets, etc. But still not all that I think we probably need.)

Tina, our hypnobirth instructor, thinks that it may have been the baby going head down that triggered them in the first place, which would be wonderful. It's been moving a lot, but I haven't felt any "turning" sensations, so hopefully it turned before our Tuesday class and I just didn't know it. Our next doctor appointment is on Tuesday, so I guess we'll see then...

The Party's Started...

So I started having this weird pressure way down low in my abdomen this afternoon, right before we left for our last hypnobirthing class. It would come and go, and when I tried to get off the couch, it was so strong it was hard to stand up straight. "Maybe this is the baby finally turning!" I thought. When we got to our class, I told our practitioner that the baby hadn't yet gone head down, at least to my knowledge. "Although I've had this pressure--oops, it's happening again!" She came over and poked and prodded and said, "Honey, that's a contraction." Then she got all excited. "But do you see what you did?" she asked. "You've trained yourself to feel pressure and not pain!" That's one of the major points of hypnobirthing, and the one thing I was worried I wouldn't be able to do, and she was right--it never really hurt, it was just...pressure. Pushing. Somewhat stronger pushing now and then, but pressurey-pushing nonetheless. Now, I know that it's going to get a LOT more intense than that, but I'm on the right path anyway, and that's encouraging.

It's been 5 and a half hours since my first one, and I've been getting them on and off ever since. For a while they were coming very quickly, every two or three minutes, but would only last for 15-30 seconds, and the intensity never got any stronger. At one point I had one last for about 4 minutes with varying strength, but it went away, and after a leisurely stroll through Target looking for a stopwatch (which, go figure, they don't sell) they went away. But since we've been home (and I've been packing my labor bag) they've started to come back a little.

The bummer, though, is that the baby still hasn't flipped! Our practitioner did a hypno-script with me at class that is meant to help the baby turn, and she said it should work within 12 hours, and to spend a good half hour or so in the "polar bear" position (a sort of hunkered-down squat that helps disengage the baby from whatever position it's in so it can turn) to help it along. So now that the labor bag is packed (all I need to get is the stopwatch and the scrapbooking paper that I want to get the baby's foot/hand prints on) I'm off to get ready for bed and "hunker down." Turn baby, turn!!

Almost done!

Well, we finally got the furniture for the nursery, and this weekend we painted the rom--it's beautiful! All that's left is to assemble the crib and put up the border. It already looks so precious; I'm so happy with the furniture we chose, and the new bedding is fantastic, too. The walls are a light green and light blue, and it looks so happy and inviting!

Next week I have two baby showers--our small group is hosting one for us, and then my "big" one with everyone else is that Saturday. I can't wait. I love parties, and I'll admit it, I love gifts. Especially when they're for a specific thing, like for my baby! And the guest list is HUGE--I think a total of around 40 people! Egads! I'm just glad the baby's room will be done by then so we have a place to put everything. We're having the big shower here, so it'll be a lot easier to get everything put away; were it somewhere else I just know we'd end up bringing everything in from the car and sticking it in the living room, where it would stay until the baby came. :) Maybe this means I'll actually have everything organized and ready to go by the time s/he makes an appearance!

Out Of It

So I suddenly realized that it's been forever since I blogged on either of my sites. I've been so out of it lately; please forgive me, all 5 or so of you that regularly read it. :) Quick update: as of Tuesday I will be 35 weeks, and as of today I have hit the big 2-0-0. Yes, that's 200 pounds--nearly 70 gained since April. Egads. Today Dan picks up the nursery furniture, and yesterday we finally cleaned out the room completely so that painting can commence. I've been trying to walk at least two laps around the lake every morning, although I didn't go yesterday because my feet were just too dang sore--it's really sad when you wake up and they still hurt from the day before. Twice last week I fell asleep while practicing my hypnobirth, and both times I was only about 4 hours into my day--and I never take naps, much less before noon! I'm in a bit of a daze most of the time, at least that's what it feels like--I'm not, like sitting around staring at the walls, but I'm not exactly exerting a whole lot of mental energy, either. I did, however, manage to get pretty much caught up in my pregnancy journal, so that was a huge accomplishment, and I also got most of my Christmas card envelopes addressed, which is a huge load off my mind. Some Christmas shopping is done, thank heavens--doing the whole walk-the-mall thing is getting less and less enjoyable (since walking = waddling and a whole lot of sitting every time I find a bench)--and I think I'll try to do the rest online so I don't have to go out anymore.

The baby is moving like mad--kicked so hard the other day I nearly dropped the glass of water I was resting on my belly. I just sit and stare at my stomach at night, which is when the baby seems most active--it's incredible to watch. But honestly, I'm done with the whole pregnancy thing. I'm over it. I'm ready to move on. I know I've said that before, but I really mean it now. I've run out of clothes that fit, for the most part--I have about a week's worth of shirts, plus about three pairs of pants or shorts--and I'm so tired of waking up in pain: leg cramps, back spasms, sore feet, weird aches I can't even explain. Enough! Let's get on with it already! The second Dan finishes his finals I'm doing every single one of those home remedies that supposedly put you into labor. It's time to get this show on the road and move on to motherhood.

All Warm and Fuzzy Inside...

I'm folding laundry and flipping around on TV and I came across Bob Ross' "The Joy of Painting." I absolutely LOVE this show. Part of it is that I just love watching visual artists create. It gives me a tingly feeling inside when a line of paint suddenly turns into a tree, or a few swipes with the broad brush turns a blank canvas into a winter scene with a blanket of snow on the ground.

But most of the reason why I love the show is because Bob is just the calmest, most peaceful person I've ever seen. His voice is so soothing, and his manner so disarming. The best part is how supportive he is of his viewers who may be following along and creating their own masterpiece. "Why don't we just drop a little evergreen in here? I'm gonna put mine right in this corner...but you can put yours wherever you want. It's your painting, and whatever you do is going to be perfect." All said in a voice so soft and relaxed that you almost have to turn up the volume just to hear him clearly. It's hypnotizing, honestly; I found myself gaping at the TV through half-closed eyes and a t-shirt in my hands waiting to be folded. I'm actually considering looking for his videos to bring to the hospital with me--I think they'd relax me even more than my hypnobirth CD. Wonder if he's on DVD...

Hiccups, the sequel

So these hiccups just keep coming, which is still tremendously annoying, but the baby is so big now that my belly actually moves when s/he has them. So now it's kinda cool, because it looks like my belly has a pulse or something. :)

Oh, and now I can actually press my fingers around my belly and find the butt (I'm hoping it's the butt, at least, or else the baby's positioned to come out feet first, which isn't good), and when I push it moves away--or sometimes pushes back. It's awesome--it's like playing with the kid before it's even born!

It's all about how you look at it...

Went to the mall last night for the first time in forever, and the place was decked out for Christmas already. It didn't hit me, until I saw all those shiny decorations and heard Christmas music in some of the stores, that it's actually The Holiday Season. For the last six months I've been looking ahead to this time of year, not just because it's my favorite season, but because it's the season when our baby comes. And then it hit me that THE BABY IS COMING. In, like, less than 2 months now.

I'm still really excited at the idea of having this baby. But I also realized the other day that I've been doing something somewhat detrimental during all my hypnobirthing practice. Much of the practice involves visualization: visualize your muscles relaxing, visualize your baby moving into the proper birthing position, visualize your birth the way you want it to be. Well, whenever I get to the exercises where I'm visualizing myself, I've been doing it from the perspective of watching myself from the outside, and not actually pretending that it's happening directly to me. All my visualizations of how I'll breath through the surges, how I'll act during labor, what I'll do during delivery, are suddenly MUCH SCARIER when visualized from a first person perspective.

A human being is going to come out of MY body. Wow.

I'm still excited, but I almost feel as though I'm starting over in all my hypnobirthing exercise. There's a whole new dynamic involved now.

Guess I better go practice....

The Official Baby Prediction Post

Thanks to the inspiration of my friends Meg and Rebecca, I decided to start a prediction pool for those of you who seem so sure you know what we're having. As you know, we're not going to learn the sex of the baby before s/he is born, but there are plenty of supposed predictors out there for us to play with--we'll see how accurate they are when the baby comes. And just to add to the fun...there's a prize! Read on to hear the details....


1. Alison is carring Baby Morrow:
a) High (girl)
b) Low (boy)

Answer: Baby Morrow is riding high--so far!

2. Alison sleeps with her pillow to the:
a) North (boy)
b) South (girl)

Answer: Her pillow is always firmly placed at the south end of the bed.

3. Alison's feet are:
a) Colder than before pregnancy (boy)
b) The same as before (girl)

Answer: While her general body temperature is definitely going up these days, her feet are the same as before.

4. When it comes to bread, Alison:
a) Refuses to eat the end of a loaf (girl)
b) Prefers the end of the loaf (boy)

Answer: Not sure how much this tells us, since Alison always refuses to eat the end, regardless of whether or not she's pregnant!

5. Darling husband Daniel is:
a) Gaining weight right along with Alison (boy)
b) Keeping the scale steady (girl)

Answer: Well, he was gaining weight, but lately he's lost a little, so who knows what the means!

6. Alison's mom's hair color when Baby Morrow was conceived was:
a) Gray (girl)
b) Not gray (either naturally or dyed) (girl)

Answer: Mom's quite fond of highlighting her hair, so I think that counts as dyed--although we're not sure what her hair has to do with Alison's pregnancy!

7. Alison had morning sickness early in her pregnancy:
a) Yes (girl)
b) No (boy)

Answer: No morning sickness for Alison--just ravenous hunger!

8. Alison's complexion is looking:
a) Particularly good during pregnancy (boy)
b) Not so good (girl)

Answer: After starting off with some crazy skin issues, things leveled off around month four, so now she's looking pretty darn good!.

9. During pregnancy, Alison's chest has:
a) Dramatically changed (girl)
b) Changed very little (boy)

Answer: Let's just put it this way: she and Dolly Parton have a lot more in common these days--Holy Cleavage, Batman!

10. Alison's age at time of conception: 29
Conception took place in the month of: April

Mother's Age
- # of conception month
Odd number = girl
Even number = boy

Answer: 29 - 4 = 25--odd number!

11. When a ring tied onto thread is hung over Alison's belly, the thread moves:
a) In circles (boy)
b) From side to side (girl)

Answer: This test was conducted by the hygenist's at Alison's dentist, and they insist they've always been right--the ring moved from side to side.

12. Alison has been craving:
a) Sweets (girl)
b) salty/sour food (boy)

Answer: This hasn't changed much from pre-pregnancy, either--her whole life Alison has been a big fan of sugar!

13. Alison has also been craving:
a) Meat and cheese (boy)
b) Fruit (girl)

Answer: This one is a little dicey. Has she craved fruit? Not exactly, although she has been more likely to eat it, mostly because she knows she should for the good of the baby. She definitely did not crave meat, but she was still somewhat predisposed to cheese. Guess we'll give the point to fruit.

14. Alison's nose has:
a) Grown wider (boy)
b) Stayed the same (girl)

Answer: Her nose has stayed the same.

15. Baby Morrow's heart rate is:
a) Above 140 beats per minute (girl)
b) 140 or less (boy)

Answer: While the heart rate started out at exactly 140, it has been faster the last three times it had been measured--and getting faster every time!

16. Alison's feelings towards Orange Juice:
a) Doesn't like OJ (boy)
b) Must have OJ every day (girl)

Answer: Alison has never liked OJ, and it hasn't changed since she's been pregnant, either.

17. Alison has been getting headaches:
a) Yes (boy)
b) No (girl)

Answer: Well, this one is a bit dicey, too--she had them quite a bit in the beginning, then she didn't for a while, but lately she's been getting them again...gues we'll say yes.

18. Alison's belly looks like a:
a) Watermelon (girl)
b) Basketball (boy)

Answer: What, "torpedo" isn't an option? Guess that means we'll go with watermelon.

19. If Alison shows someone her hands, she:
a) Shows them palm up (girl)
b) Shows them palm down (boy)

Answer: Palms down.

20: How does Alison pick up a mug?
a) By the handle (boy)
b) By the body of the mug (girl)

Answer: Usually by the handle.

21: Alison is carrying her pregnancy weight:
a) All our front (boy)
b) Around hips and butt (girl)

Answer: Well, she honestly thought it was all out front until a couple months ago, when she got a good look in the mirror--this is definitely a hips and butt baby.


THE FINAL SCORE:
Girl: 14
Boy: 7

So...do you agree? Cast your vote by posting a comment, and while you're at it, try your hand at your predicting skills by also guessing what Baby Morrow's stats will be:

Date of birth:
Time of birth:
Weight:
Length:

(By the way, according to the doctor, the baby's estimated due date is December 26, for what it's worth.)

"So hey," I hear you asking, "I thought you said there was a prize?!" Yes, yes, here it is: my new novel, "Violette Between", will be released this May, meaning I should get my first box of books somewhere around March or so. Whoever is the closest with his/her guesses gets a free copy before the street release. So start thinking, and get in your vote! The "polls" close December 14. (Unless the baby comes early!)

For those of you who haven't posted on a blog before, just click on "comments" at the end of this post. (It will say how many comments there are, like "4 comments.") You'll be taken to a page where all the previous comments are listed, and there will also be a place for you to write your own. (Be sure to put your name if you're posting anonymously!) Then type the confirmation code (a random string of letters) into the proper field and click "login and publish." Or you can email me with your prediction and I'll post it for you.

Let the guessing begin!

Baby 101

Last night was the new baby care class at the hospital. Ah, such fun--where else can you get a full-color Poop Chart? Actually, it really was interesting, albeit obscenely basic at times, although I guess it's possible that there are people who have never once in their lives diapered a baby before. (I hate to break it to them: it's a LOT more difficult do to with a squirmy baby than it is with a doll.) Probaby the most interesting part of the evening was the segment we got to watch from "Happiest Baby on the Block." The pediatrician who made the video (and wrote the book with the same title) talks about the first three months of life being like a fourth trimester, and explains that babies are most comforted when we recreate as best we can the environment the baby was in before birth. So, for example, swaddling, which most people do anyway, is important because it makes the baby all squished up like it was in the womb. Sidelaying is another trick: instead of laying them on their back, holding them in your arms so their back is against you and they're on their side makes them feel less vulnerable. Shushing in a continuous stream of noise right at their ear mimics the sound of blood rushing through the arteries next to the womb. Gently jiggling them mimics the sensation they experienced when their mother was walking and active.

It was incredible to watch the video of the doctor picking up a screaming baby and utilizing these tricks one after the other until the baby suddenly stopped crying, like a switch had been thrown. Their little bodies would relax and their eyes open up and one of the babies actually smiled.

So, do I feel prepared to handle my baby? Heck no! But at least I have some great charts and diagrams and info packets to flip through when I'm clueless. :)

Hiccups

At first they were cute. Now they're just plain annoying. This kid gets hiccups, like, three times a day! What's up with that?! For those of you who don't know first-hand what this feels like, imagine a very faint, gentle tapping low in your gut that NEVER STOPS. Well, okay, it does stop eventually, but it's one of those things that, once you notice it, you can't un-notice it, and every second, literally, you feel it. The first time it happened I was all excited that it was the baby kicking, and I was like, "Wow, this baby totally has rhythm! All that belly-patting while I sing paid off!" But apparently babies aren't coordinated enough to be that rhythmic. Bummer.

Oh my gosh, it finally stopped! Hallelujah!

Oh wait, no it didn't.

Blast.

A.Ma.Zing.

Today we saw our baby!!!!!

Technology is truly, truly amazing. At one point Dad said, "Hey, it looks like Alison did when she was born!" Now, maybe that's just because all babies share that chubby-cheeked midget look, but still, it's incredible that you can see the features SO clearly.

Unfortunately, s/he wasn't cooperating fully--there was a lot more sleeping going on than anything else. But it was so cute to see it laying there, using the placenta for a pillow--which it was clutching with its little fist--and occasionally trying to shield its face with its arm, as if to say, "Hey, a little privacy, please!" But it was at least facing the right way for us to get good photos and video, and it only flipped over away from the "camera" once (and eventually flipped back).

So now, the part you've all been waiting for (yes, I'm already turning into those mothes who thinks everyone is as enthusiastic about seeing pictures of her child as she is)...the photos!

Here's a good general shot of his/her face:


S/he kept putting his/her arm like this--we got a couple great shots of the armpit. :)


Look at the cute little pinky!


Huge feet, just like mother had when she was a baby. Mom always said I was like a puppy; I had to grow into my feet, which were just way too big for a baby my size. Looks like it runs in the family:


Easily the best shot we got all day, and of course it was the very last picture the tech was planning on taking. What's even better is that, on the video, s/he actually swivels its fist around the way bodybuilders do. It was hilarous; we were all totally cracking up:




So that's my baby. THAT is my BABY. Un-freaking-believable.

Things We Won't Be Doing When The Baby's Here

Since I was so wide awake last night, we decided to go to Denny's for a VERY early breakfast. Got there around 4:30, got home around 5:30, and I was out like a light by 6. Slept until 9, but holy cats, I'm a zombie today. Dan's still sleeping, and I'm so jealous. I have so much to do today--I'm hosting a shower here for a friend tomorrow morning and the place is a mess, I need to figure out some banking stuff, I have to figure out something to have for lunch. But I can barely keep my eyes open. I wasn't going to pratice my hypnobirth stuff today, but it's the only thing I feel like doing because I think it'll put me to sleep for a while. Then, of course, I'll feel like crap, because naps NEVER make me feel any better, but at this point I don't care, I'm too tired of trying to stay awake.

3:15 AM

This baby is SO my husband's child. He's still plugging away at homework, or reading, or whatever else it is he does until 4 in the morning, and the baby has been kung fu fighting my bladder nonstop for 20 minutes. So now I'm wide, wide awake, torn between "Might as we get up and do something," and "If I lie here long enough I'll eventually go back to sleep." Obviously right now I've chosen the former, but only after a fruitless half hour of the latter. Oh well. Good practice for those middle of the night feedings, I guess.

The Weight of Parenting

My good friend Meg posted a really poignant entry on her blog this morning, and I cluttered up some bandwidth with a lengthy comment. I think a lot of the happy-happy-joy-joy of pregnancy ends up, for me anyway, being almost a mask of denial for the absolute sheer terror and lack of control that comes with becoming a parent. It's all in there, "there" being my heart and my spirit and my mind, and I just don't want to look at it because it truly brings me to tears.

A-ha!

THROUGH THE PERILOUS FIGHT!

Whew.

Of course, I had to look it up on Google. But guess what? There are three more verses to that song! Who knew?! They don't flow nearly as nicely as that first one, though; I think poor Francis Key was being pressured to come up with more when the first verse was the only truly inspired one. Great sentiments, just not the best execution.

Brain freeze

Don't ask how I figured this out, but I've lost one of the lines to the Star-Spangled Banner. "Whose broad stripes and bright stars....." Then what?! I can sing every other line but that next one and I can't for the life of me figure it out. I've known that song by heart since second grade--how could I suddenly forget like that? I swear, pregnancy does the STUPIDEST things to your head.

On an unrelated note--well, not unrelated if we're talking about stupid things your pregnant brain does--the dream I was having when I woke up was about being at McDonalds and ordering pancakes and muffins and about four other breakfast dishes--all "with extra chocolate, please." Sheesh--my subconscious is SUCH an open book.

Our Pilgrimage to Baby Mecca

We registered last night at Babies R Us! Lots more fun than registering for our wedding, although I don't know why. We got pretty much all of it done; just a few little odds and ends to consider putting on the list. Decisions, decisions. Who would gave guessed there could be so many variations on the pacifier? The bottle? The diaper bag? You just haven't shopped until you've spend ten minutes comparing the pros and cons of baby gates.

There's a part of you that just knows certain people (like, experienced parents) are going to laugh at your registry. There are eight million gadgets that look indispensible; despite how you try to pass them up, you eventually feel like a fool if you don't at least give them a try. And regardless how much research you do, there are certain items people will always argue you've chosen poorly: Diaper Champ vs. Diaper Genie, Boppy Pillow vs. My Breast Friend (yes, that's a real product name). Graco stroller vs. Peg Perego stroller. We registered at two different stores because the furniture and bedding we like was somewhere else, and the guy helping us asked if he could see our BRU registry, and I should have known better than to say yes. "May I ask why you chose X over Y?" (Because after reading the entry in Baby Bargains ten times and comparing both models feature by feature, we decided saving fifty bucks was a good idea, thank you.) "Oh, no, no, no, you don't want THAT." (Oh, you're right--I just got bored with the little gun thingie and started randomly scanning crap I don't need or have room for. You caught me!) But I have to admit he made some good points, pushy as he was, and we actually decided to change out a couple of things. I don't know that anyone will buy the stuff on that registry, though, knowing that this place is an independent store and a little out of the way. (Well, plus the fact that the bulk of the items are hundreds of dollars.) But no matter; if nothing else it helps us to remember what it is we wanted, since after a while you've looked at so many things you can't remember what you liked and what you didn't.

We actually bought something today, too--Nana told us she'd buy us the stroller, and to just pick it up and she'd reimburse us, so we got it at the second store we registered at. And then came the first of many sessions of Assembling A New Purchase For The Baby. It took us awhile--talk about lousy illustrations!--but we got it done, so now we are the proud owners of a snazzy new stroller! Yay! And now we start figuring out where the heck to store all this stuff when it's not in use. Just one more reason to clean out the garage....

Where's the mute button?

My life has a new soundtrack. It's composed of grunts, sighs, huffs, groans, "Oi vey's" and the occasional "Holy crap" muttered under my breath. This new soundtrack evolved this past week when I was suddenly no long able to get up from the bed, the couch, the car (or into any of the above) without considerable effort. Tying my shoes nearly causes me to pass out, and a trip upstairs sends me panting for breath. Even though my weight seems to be holding at 175, something has apparently grown, or moved, or rearranged itself inside so as to make everything so freaking difficult.

Maybe I can buy a giant ice-shaving machine....

We're at 26 weeks today. Fourteen more weeks to go--and let that be a reminder to you for your Christmas shopping as well. It struck me this week as I was shopping for a friend's baby shower that I will never have a reason to buy my baby one of those adorable snowsuits that make their little arms stick out and pad them like the Michelin Man. I'll never buy a little sled or snow saucer to pull him or her around the neighborhood. This is a sad thing for me. Some of my favorite childhood memories involve romping in the snow, coming in with numb fingers and wrapping my hands around a mug of hot chocolate to thaw them out. There was a huge hill not far from our house that sent you sailing down into a retention basin, and it was THE place to sled after school--and one of the most dangerous, since the Older Kids would go there at night and build up little moguls that you wouldn't see till right before they launched you into the air. (My one near-unconsciousness experience came when a group of us piled onto two sleds and held onto each other to make one giant sledding mass, then hit one of these things and were sent flying in all directions. I hit my head when I landed and laid there debating whether or not to fight the overwhelming desire I suddenly had to sleep. Ah, the memories.) Snowmen in the front yard, snowball fights between houses, cross country skiing in gym class...just another bunch of experiences my kids will most likely never have. Granted, they'll have a surfing unit in high school and have their first near-unconsciousness experience when a book falls off a shelf onto their head during an earthquake, and then marvel that I didn't grow up with those events in my life. But still, I'd really like a reason to buy one of those snowsuits.

Hpyno-baby

I've been practicing my hypnobirth scripts every day, and I've discovered that the baby gets really active when I get into my ultra-relaxed state. It's so funny! I can't tell if s/he is saying, "Hey, come on, get up and move!" or if s/he gets some kind of oxygen rush off my deep breathing or something. And wow, those kicks are getting strong; a couple times my hand got pushed right off my abdomen! And as soon as I finish the script, s/he stops.

I've been starting to get back that state of unending hunger. I'm afraid my third trimester may be a mirror image of the first, just 45 pounds heavier: eat, eat, eat, eat, and then eat a little more. I know this stage of the game is all about baby growth, so I supposed I shouldn't be surprised, but man, it's going to be a long 14 more weeks if that's the case. And the other thing that has me worried is the fact that one only needs 300 extra calories a day during pregnancy (at least, that's what they say)--but you need an extra 600 when you're nursing, which I plan to do. So if I'm this hungry now, what on earth am I going to be like when the baby gets here?! Hopefully my body will feed off itself for a while and I'll lose all my pregnancy weight quickly, but I know it doesn't work that way for everyone, so we'll just have to see. Anyway, it's 10:30 AM, i've been up since 8:30, and so far I've had a bowl of cereal, two eggs, and two sausage. And yeah, I'm feeling a little munchy. Oh dear.

Baby baby, I can heart your heart beat...

Thanks to my awesome friend, Jen, I was able to lounge on my comfy couch this morning and listen to my baby's crazy thumping heart! She bought us one of these at-home doppler thingies that lets you listen in on what's up in there. Up until now I hadn't been able to hear anything other than otherworldly, vaguely underwater-like blubs, but this morning I gave it another shot after having set the thing aside for almost two weeks, and there it was, galluping away! I kept losing it when I breathed or when the baby kicked it (probably thinking to itself, "Why the heck is she pushing me?!"), so I couldn't track how fast it was for sure, but I counted at least 120 beats in a minute. WILD. I love being pregnant! It's cool freaking cool!

Down she goes...

Well, I made my first really big klutsy pregnant lady move yesterday: I tripped down a stair. Thankfully it was just one, although it was concrete--the sidewalk in a friend's new condo complex goes down about 3 inches when you move towards the parking lot--so that kinda sucked. It's weird how your brain doesn't even process what's happening, because it's so fast: all of a sudden my nose is six inches from the ground and I'm on my hands and knees saying, "What was that?!" Both baby and belly were fine, never even touched the pavement, although my left knee is scraped pretty good and swollen like heck.

Because of this little incident, last's night's bizarre pregnancy dream was about how that fall triggered labor and I had my baby--a girl, for what it's worth. Of course, this being a dream, it was only minorly surprising to me that the doctor was able to stuff the baby back inside and leave me with directions to "Lie low for a while." And then I was all bummed that we knew what we were having but still had to wait to actually get her!

What's cool is that I read in my pregnancy book today that babies born this early actually have a fighting chance of survival, thanks to all the new technology and medicines available. Can you imagine, a baby at 25 weeks be able to make it?! It's just amazing. I mean, for pete's sake, the thing's barely 1.5 pounds at the moment! You can buy Subway Sandwiches that are longer than the baby is right now! Incredible.

In other news, five of my friends have had their babies in the last month or so. One last Friday, two the Friday before, one about two weeks ago (I can't remember what day), and one the second weekend in August. Four boys and a girl; two of them to first-time moms and three of them to seasoned professionals. Congratulations to Tracy, Bradleigh, Sarah, Colin, and Rebecca!

TIme capsule ideas...

Back before Dan locked out The Learning Channel, I saw an episode of A Baby Story where the expecting parents invited all the family over for a big pre-baby dinner and had everyone bring something to put into a time capsule for the baby. I totally love this idea, but I wasn't crazy about some of the things people brought. For example, someone brought a Miles Davis CD, which would have been totally awesome if they were putting together a music collection for the baby, but didn't exactly express the current times. I'd really love to do something like this, but I can't think of very many things to put in it that would reflect 2005. So far I have:

> Front section of the newspaper from the day the baby is born
> Letters from Dan and me to the baby
> Issue of Rolling Stone Magazine
> A list of the price of various things (a house, a car, gas--who knows what it'll be at by December!--milk, bread, eggs, etc.)
> Photo of our house and family

That's it. I would love to hear any ideas y'all have, including any twists on the time capsule concept. Thanks!

Hypnobirthing, part II

The term "hypnobirth" catches people off-guard, and it's all because of that 'hypno' prefix. As soon as people hear that, they instantly think of hypnosis shows and magicians making people quack like ducks or other random things. The truth is, hypnotherapy (of which hypnobirth is a specialized branch) is a completely legitimate brach of psychology that teaches people that their mind has incredible power to affect their body. In Eastern cultures, the acceptance of the mind's power is no big deal--hence the reason things like yoga and meditation are such a big part of their philosophies and religions. All hypnosis is is harnessing your thoughts and focusing them in a particular direction.

All hypnosis is self-hypnosis. No one can "hypnotise" you without your permission, because you are the one who has to do all the thinking! It's also not some weird form of voodoo where you're opening yourself up to demons or spirits or anything like that. A hypnotherapist merely guides you through what you're to think about, depending on what it is you want to accomplish, and you focus your thoughts according to what your goal is.

I actually practiced self-hypnosis without realizing back in July. I had to fly to Denver for a conference, and I was terrified, because not only did I have a layover in Phoenix, which meant I'd have TWO take-offs and landings to deal with, but I had to do it all without my trusty Dramamine, which I've been taking whenever I fly for the last 25 years. For the week before the flight I was convinced I'd be a puking mess for the three hour journey, but on the way to the airport my mom suggested I do some deep breathing while waiting for the flight. Deep and focused breathing is an integral part of hypnotherapy, along with visualization, which I started doing while I waited for the flight. I imagined myself calm on the plane, relaxed and peaceful with my Walkman playing my favorite CDs, and visualized myself not even noticing the take-off and landing. And what was the outcome? I never once felt nauseated, never once felt jittery or nervous, and when I landed in Denver (amidst a thunderstorm, even!) I felt GREAT.

Hypnobirth instruction starts with relaxation, because a relaxed body is the key to a pain- and stress-free birth. (And I know you're reading that "pain-free" part with a dubious expression on your face, but it's true!) When you get super-stressed, like many women do during labor, your body goes into fight-or-flight mode and drains blood away from non-essential organs. The uterus is considered non-essential because it's not going to help you get away or fight, so stressing during labor actually deprives the uterine muscles of the one thing they need most to function with top efficiency. when you're relaxed, your uterus gets all the blood it needs to properly function. The relaxation techniques they teach you help you not only to be relaxed, but to also focus your thoughts, because your mind can't get anything done when your throughts are all scattered. (Can I get an "Amen!" from those with ADD?) Your mind is key in attaining the pain-free part of a HB birth, because your mind actually has the ability to change the way you perceive things.

Think about Navy SEALS and others who are trained for high-risk missions. They receive training in dealing with torture in case they get captured, and part of their training is in pain management: changing the way their mind and body perceives what is happening to it. They don't feel the pain of a beating the way we would, because they know how to talk themselves into feeling something else. HB teaches that you can perceive what you feel during birth as numbness, tingling, pressure, or just a general sensation.

The last element of HB is recognizing that your body knows exactly what it's doing when the time comes to give birth. It doesn't need you grunting and pushing to help--in fact, by doing so you actually override the body's own natural birthing process and make things more difficult and painful for both you and the baby. In HB you "breathe the baby down," which consists of...breathing. That's it! A quick, deep breath in and a slow, even breath out allows the body to do what it needs to do. THAT'S IT. The typical HB birth takes 4-5 hours from start to finish, as opposed to the 8-24 hour births you so often hear about. Why? Because you're providing the uterus with the blood it needs, you're not tensing up and slowing down the process, and you're working with your body as opposed to trying to commandeer the process.

I'm sure you can see now why I'm so excited about this! Even though it's my first birth experience, I'm SO looking forward to it--I'm not nervous, not scared, not worried, because I trust myself to be able to utilize the skills HB is teaching me to achieve a beautiful birth. I hope this post helps shed some light on this whole HB thing and convinces some people to look into it for their own births. I'd love to hear from anyone who has POSITIVE birth experiences using HB, and anyone with questions--but those of you who feel compelled to "talk some sense into me" or "give me a dose of reality" please keep your opinions to yourself. Every story I hear becomes part of my mental portfolio of expectations--help me fill it with good images!

Hypnobirthing

First of all, before I even talk about what hypnobirthing is like and what I'm learning, I wanted to make a comment about a trend I've noticed among women who have given birth. Now, I know that the tendency in all people is to want to "one-up" each other--"You think THAT'S bad, you should hear what I did/went through/whatever!" But I've noticed it is especially prevalent in the telling of birth stories, and that anyone who dares to think that birthing could be, say, peaceful, or calm, or even enjoyable without the use of drugs, is quickly told they're nuts. "Honey," the say, "once you get in that delivery room, it'll all go out the window and you'll be screaming for the epidural like the rest of us." Now, I know that people mean well, and they are simply trying to spare me from disappointment, but frankly, being a wet blanket and a nay-sayer is hardly the way to encourage someone. And if someone told you, "You know, I think I've found a way to make the most sacred and beautiful event in your life actually resemble something sacred and beautiful," wouldn't you at least give them a chance to prove it true or false before you started doubting?

Here's where I'm coming from. People have been asking, as people will do, if we plan to have a natural birth or go for the drugs. "We're doing hypnobirth," I'll respond. "It's a combination of deep relaxation and using your mind to control what your body feels." To which people say one of two things:

1. "HYPNObirth?! Is that like 'You're getting sleeeeeppppyyyy...'" (insert pantomime of someone swinging a pocketwatch in front of your eyes a la old school hypnosis) Then they laugh that condescending "Oh, you naive, silly thing you" laugh.

or

2. "So you're going natural? Are you crazy? I don't understand why anyone would go natural when you can have the drugs and not feel anything. They don't give out awards for going natural, you know. Anyway, people always say they're going to have a natural birth, but almost all of them end up getting the drugs. Don't close yourself off to the idea."

Now, forgive me, but I think ridiculing or discounting someone's approach to ANYTHING is uncalled for, and if you think the person is nuts, then of course you reserve the right to think that, but you'd best get all the facts before you make your final judgment, especially out loud to their face.

So now I don't even tell people what we're doing, which makes me really, really sad, because I am so loving this approach that I'm seriously considering training to become a hypnobirth practitioner once the baby is a bit older.

SO why am I so loving this hypnobirthing thing? For two reasons: one, because I know that the power of the mind is something we in the western world tend to underrate, and yet it is proven time and again that our thoughts have incredible power over our physical bodies, and two, because I've SEEN it work.

At our first HB classs, we got to watch two birth videos of women employing the HB method. (Yes, they were those full on, "Oh my heavens, there's the baby's head coming right outta there" type videos.) Now, think back to every movie birth, TV birth, heck, probably even real-life birth that you've ever seen, and think of how you'd describe it. How about 'painful?' How about 'accompanied with lots of screaming and crying?' How about 'chaotic,' what with all the bright lights and all the people and everyone yelling, "Push!" Well, here is a description of both the births I saw: Quiet. Calm. Reverent. Peaceful. Not a single cry or yell from the mother. Not a single urgent "Push!" from the doctor. Both women would feel a surge (HB-speak for "contraction") coming on, would close their eyes, and would lie quietly on the table without puffing, gasping, moaning, or even wincing. After it passed, their eyes would open and they'd resume whatever it was they'd been doing before--eating Jell-o, chatting with their husbands. And then when they felt they were ready to breathe the baby down (there's no pushing in HB) they simply said, "I'm ready," and the doctor would check to see if they were fully dilated, and if they were, they began to...breathe. That's it. Albeit they breathed deeply and slowly, but never once did they squish up their faces and "bear down," never once did someone stand beside them yelling, "Five more seconds, Four more! Three!" They simply held their partner's hand, closed their eyes, and breathed. And then the baby was born.

And you know what was fascinating? The babies didn't emerge screaming. They weren't shaking. They were calm. The made little baby noises as they tested out their lungs, but they weren't red in the face and flailing their little fists in the air like they'd just been ripped from paradise. Why? Because however traumatized the mother is during birth is how traumatized the baby is. It can hear you screaming if you're screaming. It can hear you berating your husband for getting you into this mess. And if you're pushing, it is being squeezed more than necessary. So no wonder babies are typically born in the middle of a tantrum! But HB babies are mellow babies from the get-go--a trait they say tends to stick with them as they grow up.

So, THAT is why I'm doing hypnobirth. Because I believe western medicine has convinced women that birth is supposedto be painful, issupposedto be scary. Heck, dcotors get a lot more money from the insurance company when drugs are used or c-sections are performed. (HB practically puts them out of a job!) Because of the fact that women in third-world countries don't associate pain with birth, and will work in the fields up until it's time to give birth, and are usually back out in the field a few hours later. Because I'm convinced the body knows what it is doing and doesn't need us trying to control the situation. THAT is why I'm doing hypnobirth.

Well, now that you have my treatise on the why's, I've got to go tutor for a bit, but when I come back I'll jump into the what's of hypnobirthing. In the meantime, please check out hypnobirthing.org and read some of the incredible birth stories. If you're planning on having a baby ever again in your life, I hope what you read here and on that website will encourage you to check out HB.

Accountability

we had our first hypnobirthing class last week, and I've been dying to write about it--but I'm still not going to right now because I know it'll be a long one, and I told my self I couldn't until I finished my current manuscript. (Which should be today!) But one of the things we talked about at that class was shielding myself from all the negative birth stories and experiences other women have had, because those stories become part of my expectation for what my birth experience is going to be like, and I'm aiming to experience something far calmer and more peaceful. So Tina, our instructor, made me promise to stop watching "Birth Day" on Discovery Health and "A Baby Story" on The Learning Channel, to which I reluctantly agreed.

So, a couple days later, I'm looking for something to watch, and Discovery Health has this show called "Make Room For Baby." It's a decorating show about people doing up their nurseries and stuff, and I was like, "That might be cool to watch!" So I try to go to that channel--and Dan has put a parental lock on it! Then, on a hunch, I try watching a show on TLC--same thing! "Password please," is says, and he didn't use the number we usually use, so I have no idea how to get into it. That stinker! But I couldn't help but be touched. He's such a sweetie. :)

Oi.

Car died on us today. We drove Dan's parents to the train station--they came down for lunch--and we parked under a tree to hang out till their train came, and when we tried to start it again it simply wouldn't. So bizarre. Thank heavens for AAA--and when the tow truck got there he listened to the weird noise it was making and said, "Oh, it's your battery." Apparently the battery wasn't yet completely dead, because our windows, nav system, radio, etc. still worked--it just didn't have enough juice to start the car. Thankfully he was able to jump it, so we drove it to Costco because he said they installed new batteries--and then we got there and they said they didn't. Bah! So let that be a lesson to y'all: don't expect Costco to install the batteries they sell. Anyway, it held up till we drove home and brought it to the Nissan dealer, but who knows when we'll get it back because we had to have something else fixed on it, too, and that has to be special ordered, which of course they won't be able to do until Monday. Thank heavens we have the Focus--and given the price of gas these days, it'll save us some cash to drive that little thing instead of the "$40 doesn't quite fill it" SUV.

So now I'm trying to rehydrate myself--we sat outside waiting for the tow truck for half an hour in the near-90 degree heat, and then couldn't drive with the a/c because the tow guy said it would suck the battery dry--and the baby is thrashing away so I take that as a good sign. For once I'm glad we left the a/c on at the house when we left; usually we turn it off when we're not here, but it felt soooo good to walk into a cool house! And speaking of baby, Dan's parents gave us all sorts of great baby necessities when they came down: socks, sleeper gowns, t-shirts, and crib sheets--they're so small and cute!! I can't wait to use them! :)

Is this bad?

Four short stacks of pancakes with chocolate chips at IHOP in the span of 5 days.

What can I say--it's all that sounded good. Ever.

I'm not a very good mother, am I?

Learning to Drive

This is maybe thinking just a bit too far ahead, but lately I've been obsessed over figuring out how to teach my child to drive. Cars--especially the giant ones that people drive out here in Caifornia, Hummers and Tahoes and Titans and other metal mammoths--are really scary and powerful and dangerous machines, and the thought of my baby behind the steering wheel of one freaks me out.

Now, obviously I know that this "baby" won't be a baby when they're learning to drive, but you know how it is with mothers; their children are always babies in their eyes. I've learned that already and haven't even met mine yet. But still.

I remember, as a child, my dad would take me to the parking lot of his old high school on days when no one was there and let me steer from his lap as we crawled along. He wouldn't let me actually drive--I was too small at the time to even reach the pedals--just turn the wheel and make the car go where I wanted it to as he supplied the power, which was fun despite the fact there was nowhere to actually go. I remember being older and going back to that parking lot and being allowed to sit in the driver's seat all alone while I made the car go and Dad encouraged me to give it a little more gas. And I remember driving down the narrow side streets of Arlington Heights, shaded by giant trees whose names I never knew, in our little temperamental Jetta and being so afraid to turn onto Northwest Highway, which, despite its name, wasn't much of a highway, just a four lane (total--not in each direction) main drag that would take you all the way to Chicago if you wanted. But there was traffic there, more cars and actual stoplights, and I avoided it until I was really, really comfortable behind the wheel, because the speed limit was, like, 40.

And then I think of my kids and the streets they'll be driving on. The main drag through little RSM here is 55 mph in places. Fifty-five! The slowest it gets is, like, 45. And the roads here curve like asphalt rivers--no easy grid like Arlington Heights, where you only turned the steering wheel to turn a corner.

And then there's the I-5.

Now, I may be mistaken--someone in Chicago, please correct me if I'm wrong--but the most lanes the expressways have out there are, like, 4 in one direction. Typically, I think it's more like 3. Whereas the I-5 can have as many as 6 lanes at a time, each one filled with maniacs going 90 and other maniacs going 50. You could stay in one lane, never switch left or right, and find that lane to be both the middle lane and the far-right lane in the span of 5 miles, because lanes just peel away and add on line some mutant onion. And for some reason Cal-Trans has really embraced the idea of these little reflector things that they glue down in the paint between lanes, and in some places they have ditched the paint altogether, so that your space on this Great Plain of cement is defined so by nothing but the occasional plastic bump reminiscent of a Pac-Man pellet, but less frequent.

And I think, My baby is going to drive on this road someday?

Who knows, maybe in sixteen years we won't have cars anymore; we'll have transporters like on Star Trek. Or transporter belts like on The Tomorrow People. Or maybe some new public transportation system will burst onto the scene with such an efficient and extensive network that cars will be rendered superfulous. Or, more likely, the price of gas will have gone so high that it takes a double-income home with both adults working as top executives to be able to afford it and people will just go back to their bikes. I'm hoping for one of these. Because I shudder at the thought of my baby learning to drive.

BABY!!!!!!

LOOK!!!!!!!



Not sure whose profile that is, Dan's or mine, but it looks like Charlie Brown's nose--go figure. But it was the most incredible thing to watch the screen and see my baby MOVING--s/he actually punched him/herself while we were watching, definitely my child--and to have the tech say, "Oh, look there's the heart beating," Look, there's its little hands and arms," "Look, there's its little legs--crossed, so we don't have a choice about finding out the sex, it's not gonna happen today!" (Whew!) S/he was very cooperative, too; the tech said s/he kept showing off all the bits and pieces she needed to get clear shots of, so I'm looking forward to the possibility of a very compliant baby. :) (Yeah, right.) The heartrate went up to 153 from the steady 140 it's been every other time, putting the odds of a girl (supposedly) a little higher. Three separate people yesterday said "Oh, you're totally having a girl." This was just by looking at me, no comments made about all the supposed "clues" that might tell you one way or the other. Go figure.

So, all in all, not a bad way to spend my anniversary!

Halfway there!

Today I am officially 20 weeks along. I can't believe this pregnancy is already halfway over. It's taken FOREVER--but on the other hand it seems like no time at all. (An apt description of the rest of my life these days.) My next appointment is the Tuesday that we're back from Chicago--can't wait to hear that heartbeat again!

I found a place in Anaheim called Before the Stork--it's an elective 3D/4D imaging center where they'll give you a video and a bunch of black & white and color keepsake photos of your baby. The imagining room is set up like a theater with a sofa and a 60" screen so family can come and watch. It's $180 bucks, and not covered by insurance because it's elective (they don't check all the important medical stuff), but I think we're going to do it! I'm so excited!!

Today I got my book on hypnobirthing in the mail from our hypnobirth practitioner. I can't remember if I've talked about hypnobirthing yet--I want to pull a couple of my favorite quotes from the book before I write an actual post on it. But I'm just excited that I have it. I've already scanned half of it and am SO excited about doing it! We start our classes the week we get back from Chicago. Fun!!

And they're off! (the hormones, that is)

So apparently in the middle of your pregnancy--either that, or just in the middle of mineyour hormones go off and have themselves a little party at your expense. I had two full-out sob-fests yesterday over things that really didn't require them, and I just not found myself weeping at a rerun of "Mad About You." Now, I've always been an emotional person, to a point, but this is ridiculous. So you can add to the list of things I lost (among my waistline, my memory, and the ability to fall back asleep when I wake up in the middle of the night) "the ability to control my emotions!"

Just for fun...

Okay, I *know* these kinds of things are supposed to be silly, but you've gotta wonder when they can claim accuracy in over 90% of cases, and it worked for all but one of the ten babies my friends and I tested on. (Like I said, 90% accurate!) So here it is: go to Ancient Chinese Gender Predictor and tell me if it was accurate for your kid (or the kid of someone you know). If it's right, we're having a girl--we'll see in 21 weeks. :)

Woosh-woosh-woosh

That's what the baby's heartbeat sounds like--and it's still pumping at 140 beats per minute! Yes, we had our appointment today, and I got my baby fix when I heard that amazing sound. That's gotta be one of the weirdest things ever, to HEAR something living inside you. Crazy! And the best part: my doctor didn't make a single comment about me weight. Hallelujah!

So now I have to make an appointment somewhere to get our ultrasound. I'm bummed, because the place I wanted to go only does high-risk pregnancies, which mine is certainly not. Given the fact that we know a ton of pregnant women and people in the medical field, I'm optimistic we'll be able to find a place that is as cool as the high-risk clinic.

Yay, comments! (and other things)

I'm such a dork--I never set the preferences for this blog so I'd be notified when people commented, and I just happened to glance at the end of one of my entries today and see comments. I was so excited! People are actually reading this! :) So anyway, thanks to everyone who's been writing. Even some strangers--always curious to know how y'all found your way here, leave me a comment and let me know! :)

Well, week one of The New and Improved Alison went quite well, I'm happy to say. Much healthier eating*, way more writing done (almost 1/2 way to my minimal word requirement!) and 12 miles of walking racked up. (It's so handy having a lake that is exactly a mile in diameter; I hate not having some idea how far I've gone.) This morning was even better in the walking department; I just had so much energy, which was SUCH a nice change, that I went for four miles instead of two. Hooray me! (Side note: anyone seen the Red Stripe beer commercials? "Hooray beer!" They're hilarious.)

Tomorrow is our next OB appointment. I admit I'm worried about what my doctor is going to say about my weight, but what can I do? It's not like I'm snarfing down cake and ice cream for every meal or something. (Well, I did have three scoops of Ben & Jerry's within a 3 day span and 3 cupcakes in the last 24 hours, but I SWEAR those were anomalies.) And despite the walking the weight is still climbing. I really wish I'd through to chart it, just for the heck of it--it would have been a fun baby album page. At least I've rememberd to take belly pictures every month. Speaking of which, I bought the most adorable album to use as my pregnancy scrapbook album, and I've still yet to start it. Granted, I still haven't finished our wedding scrapbook, either. I need to have one of those crop-till-you-drop parties soon and get on the stick!

We'll also be setting up our Big Ultrasound appointment tomorrow--at least, I think that's the plan. I can't wait for that!! I think my parents are even going to come. We should bring popcorn or something. :)

Thoughts

I've realized lately that there are a lot of parallels between awaiting your baby and awaiting your wedding day. There are entire bookcases full of guides and advice on what to do to prepare for The Big Day. There are tons of plans to be made. You get parties and lots of gifts for both of them. And once The Big Day actually arrives, you realize all the planning was for naught, because nothing can prepare you for the reality of the event.

The other similarity is that everyone talks about the preparations, but hardly anyone talks about what happens after. Buy this stuff, make this plan, blah blah blah...but what happens when you get home from the honeymoon and realize, "Holy crap, I'm going to be looking at your face for the rest of one of our lives. You're going to be in my bed, in my space; your stuff and my stuff are gonna get all mixed up together; I don't get to think of just myself EVER AGAIN."

I have a feeling it'll be the same with the baby. We'll get this helpless little mini-us home and set it in the crib and stare at it in total and complete terror. "Holy crap, I'm going to be looking at this face for the rest of one of our lives. You're going to be in my arms, in my space; your stuff is gonna get all mixed up with my stuff, and I won't get to think of just myself EVER AGAIN." I'll be a mother, a role for which there is no real preparation, other than a lot of theory and "Well, this is how it was for me..." which, as we all know, often proves pointless for us.

Obviously people have been raising babies for many, many years now, and since I fancy myself to be at least as intelligent, if not more so, than the average bear, I'm sure I can handle it. But I know there are going to be nights when I stare down into the crib at this little tiny person who somehow managed to get put together INSIDE ME (my gosh) and, even more miraculously, managed to come OUT of me (which I'm not nearly as worried about as one might think) and wonder to myself, "What exactly am I suppose to do with you?"

One six oh

Three little numbers, so many possibilities. The number of dollars I could save with Geico. The number of books on my reading list. The number of days until the baby is born. (Well, that would be 157, actually.) But no, it's none of those.

It's the number of pounds I now weight.

I could hardly believe it when I stepped on the scale. Only 17 weeks and I've already gained all the weight you're supposed to gain in an entire pregnancy. I go to the doctor again next Tuesday; I can't imagine the browbeating my OB is going to give me!

So today I turned over a new leaf. I got up at 6:30 this morning and had a protein-heavy breakfast as my first step to cutting down on the carbs I've been snarfing. Then I went to the lake for a 45 minute walk. Man, did that feel good! ('Course, I think I may have pulled a muscle. Figures.) I simply can't believe I'm going to be gaining weight for another 6 months when I'm already this big. Something must be done!

Four months down!

On Saturday we reached the four month mark, which means we're only 4 weeks away from being halfway through this pregnancy. I so can't wait for the halfway mark! I know nothing will be that different, but it's just the fact that it's all downhill from there, you know?

My next appointment is on the 26th, and I think we'll be scheduling our big ultrasound that day, too. At this point the plan is still to not find out of it's a boy or a girl, but Dan keeps dropping hints so I think, if it were up to him, he'd want to find out. I keep telling him that if he REALLY wants to know, we can find out, but he keeps saying it's my choice. That being the case, we're keeping it a secret--I love surprises and think it would just be too anticlimactic to know ahead of time what we were having. Two of my other pregnant friends are going to remain in the dark with their babies, too, and it's driving others in our social circle absolutely nuts that we don't want to know. Oh well, too bad! :) I'll just save all the gift receipts for the yellow and green unisex stuff we get. :)

I'm going to try to schedule our hypnobirth classes in the next week or so. I was hoping some of my friends would want to go with us, but they're all planning on going for the drugs. I'm bummed, but can't really fault them; everyone approaches their birth experience differently. I'm really excited about the classes, though; can't wait to start!

Do To List

Eat.
Eat.
Take a shower.
Eat.
Eat.
Eat.
Do some laundry.
Eat.
Eat.
Eat.
Eat.
Clean the living room.
Eat.
Run some errands.
Eat.
Eat.
Eat.
Eat.
Eat.
Eat.
Eat.
Go to bed.

Sometimes it's a wonder I've only gained 16 pounds.....

140 bpm and still going strong!

Had my first big OB appointment Thursday, and we got to hear the heartbeat on the Doppler! It was incredible--whoosh-whoosh-whoosh, just like in the movies. The doctor got a big grin on her face and said, "Oh, that sounds good! Nice and strong!" Which of course made me feel MUCH better. And even more connected to the little alien in there than when we saw the ultrasound.

Today I am 12 weeks--three months into my pregnancy. 28 more weeks until the end, give or take. That seems like SO LONG. I swear _everything_else_ in my life goes fast but this. I guess becacuse there isn't anything else in my life that I measure by the week.

Dan's brother was here with his family for the last few days. Their son, Simon, is almost 2 and a half, and just hilarious. So many words in his vocabulary now, yet he'll babble and babble and only two or three words will actually make sense. But he looks like he's really trying to make conversation; it's so cute! But what was _really_ cute was watching Dan play with him. Simon LOVES his "Deeter," which is what he calls Dan. (I am Lallie, usually said two or three times in a row for some reason.) Anyway, Dan is like a giant toy for Simon. He wrestles with him, crawls around with him, puts him on his shoulders, tosses him onto the couch or the bed...adorable. I can't wait to see him with our kids.

Hazy Lazy Days of May...

I was all proud of myself yesterday morning because I got such a great night's sleep and was all psyched about going for a walk around the lake. Half an hour into my walk I was exhausted. Yippee, half an hour--I felt like a dork that that was all I could do. When I got home I sat on the couch for an hour, then went to bed and slept for another hour! How the heck am I supposed to exercise when it takes four times as long to recoop?!

On a good note, I seem to have stopped gaining weight. 14 pounds in less than 3 weeks--it's a good thing I stopped! It's certainly not because I'm eating any differently; now quite sure what's causing it. Definitely not exercise, since I've hardly done any in the last two weeks. Whatever the reason, I'm grateful. Now, if only I could eat something besides cereal and protein shakes, I'd be really happy....

Comfort Food

If you've ever known a pregnant woman, then you know food is a touchy subject for those of us Currently With Child. I've discovered that the mere mention of particular foods (I can't even type their names!) send my stomach reeling and threatening to toss whatever I've managed to choke down recently. After a particularly heinous evening of gagging, I finally went to the grocery store to see if anything there sounded remotely edible. It seems as though all our food at the house just makes me sick.

I came home with two bags of goodies that I nearly opened right there in the aisles to start devouring. And as I unpacked it all at home I realized they're all foods from my childhood:
-chicken noodle soup
-Spaghetti-O's with meatballs
-fruit cups (love those cherries!!)
-Jell-o cups (strawberry and raspberry)
-tapioca pudding
-cheese sticks (well, the stick concept didn't come till I was in high school or so, but cheese was a definite childhood staple)

So I'm trying to determine if my childhood palate was just really mild, and thus appealing to a queasy stomach, or if it's psychological.

On a completely unrelated note, I got the first (and hopefully last) sunburn of the season today--I'm now sporting a lovely farmer's tan. (Well, burn.) Of course, the one part of me I was deliberately trying to sun--my ghostly white legs--are not a single shade darker. Figures.

Mother's Day...

Well, today seemed to be the fitting time to make a big announcement. All the things worth blogging about lately have revolved around a secret I've been keeping, but I haven't written them because I wanted to make sure things were on the right track before I did. And it looks like they are. May this post not jinx it. Not that I believe in jinxing. And yet I feel the need to write that. Hm.

So anyway, the secret is that I am pregnant again. Talk about a shocker. The doctor said not to try, so we weren't, and yet, God had other plans than us waiting until June like we'd planned. I found out the 27th and called my doctor immediately to get in for a blood test; I wasn't going to let myself get excited until I'd seen where things were chemically. My dear doctor rushed my labs so I wouldn't have to wait till Thursday afternoon for the results, and everything came back perfect. My betas were so high (21,725 or something--I only got as high as 131 last time) that they said I wouldn't even need to come back Friday for a comparison test to make sure they were doubling--they had to be if they were that high. In the words of the nurse, "Honey, you're very pregnant." Hallelujah!

Of course, given my history, they wanted to get a visual of everything, too, to make sure things looked right. So Friday we got our first picture of the baby. Not a whole lot to see--the baby is about the size of a raspberry at the moment--but apparently it looked the way it should because the ultrasound tech seemed pleased with the results.

As of this posting I am 7 weeks and 1 day, and my due date is Christmas Eve. I have symptoms this time, which is what prompted me to take the home pregnancy test in the first place. I've also already gained 7 pounds. That part is not so good. But that's what I get for sitting around and not exercising while I eat twice as much as I normally do. I know I'm not "eating for two" as they say, but I've been so freaking hungry that I can't even sleep through the night without getting a sizeable snack. I suppose that's better than nausea, although I'm now to the point where I'm hungry but the thought of actually eating anything makes me woozy. A lousy combination of sensations.

So, for those of you out there who are praying types, please pray that this pregnancy sticks and turns out the way pregnancies should: with a healthy happy baby at the end of the road.

Welcome to the new blog!

Well, I didn't think it necessary to submit all my readers (all, like, 5 of them) to my musings of pregnancy when "A Little Creative License" was supposed to be a writer's blog, so this is the new home of my nine month adventure. Just what I need--another place to procrastinate when I should be writing my book. :) But that's obviously not stopping me!