Things We Won't Be Doing When The Baby's Here

Since I was so wide awake last night, we decided to go to Denny's for a VERY early breakfast. Got there around 4:30, got home around 5:30, and I was out like a light by 6. Slept until 9, but holy cats, I'm a zombie today. Dan's still sleeping, and I'm so jealous. I have so much to do today--I'm hosting a shower here for a friend tomorrow morning and the place is a mess, I need to figure out some banking stuff, I have to figure out something to have for lunch. But I can barely keep my eyes open. I wasn't going to pratice my hypnobirth stuff today, but it's the only thing I feel like doing because I think it'll put me to sleep for a while. Then, of course, I'll feel like crap, because naps NEVER make me feel any better, but at this point I don't care, I'm too tired of trying to stay awake.

3:15 AM

This baby is SO my husband's child. He's still plugging away at homework, or reading, or whatever else it is he does until 4 in the morning, and the baby has been kung fu fighting my bladder nonstop for 20 minutes. So now I'm wide, wide awake, torn between "Might as we get up and do something," and "If I lie here long enough I'll eventually go back to sleep." Obviously right now I've chosen the former, but only after a fruitless half hour of the latter. Oh well. Good practice for those middle of the night feedings, I guess.

The Weight of Parenting

My good friend Meg posted a really poignant entry on her blog this morning, and I cluttered up some bandwidth with a lengthy comment. I think a lot of the happy-happy-joy-joy of pregnancy ends up, for me anyway, being almost a mask of denial for the absolute sheer terror and lack of control that comes with becoming a parent. It's all in there, "there" being my heart and my spirit and my mind, and I just don't want to look at it because it truly brings me to tears.

A-ha!

THROUGH THE PERILOUS FIGHT!

Whew.

Of course, I had to look it up on Google. But guess what? There are three more verses to that song! Who knew?! They don't flow nearly as nicely as that first one, though; I think poor Francis Key was being pressured to come up with more when the first verse was the only truly inspired one. Great sentiments, just not the best execution.

Brain freeze

Don't ask how I figured this out, but I've lost one of the lines to the Star-Spangled Banner. "Whose broad stripes and bright stars....." Then what?! I can sing every other line but that next one and I can't for the life of me figure it out. I've known that song by heart since second grade--how could I suddenly forget like that? I swear, pregnancy does the STUPIDEST things to your head.

On an unrelated note--well, not unrelated if we're talking about stupid things your pregnant brain does--the dream I was having when I woke up was about being at McDonalds and ordering pancakes and muffins and about four other breakfast dishes--all "with extra chocolate, please." Sheesh--my subconscious is SUCH an open book.

Our Pilgrimage to Baby Mecca

We registered last night at Babies R Us! Lots more fun than registering for our wedding, although I don't know why. We got pretty much all of it done; just a few little odds and ends to consider putting on the list. Decisions, decisions. Who would gave guessed there could be so many variations on the pacifier? The bottle? The diaper bag? You just haven't shopped until you've spend ten minutes comparing the pros and cons of baby gates.

There's a part of you that just knows certain people (like, experienced parents) are going to laugh at your registry. There are eight million gadgets that look indispensible; despite how you try to pass them up, you eventually feel like a fool if you don't at least give them a try. And regardless how much research you do, there are certain items people will always argue you've chosen poorly: Diaper Champ vs. Diaper Genie, Boppy Pillow vs. My Breast Friend (yes, that's a real product name). Graco stroller vs. Peg Perego stroller. We registered at two different stores because the furniture and bedding we like was somewhere else, and the guy helping us asked if he could see our BRU registry, and I should have known better than to say yes. "May I ask why you chose X over Y?" (Because after reading the entry in Baby Bargains ten times and comparing both models feature by feature, we decided saving fifty bucks was a good idea, thank you.) "Oh, no, no, no, you don't want THAT." (Oh, you're right--I just got bored with the little gun thingie and started randomly scanning crap I don't need or have room for. You caught me!) But I have to admit he made some good points, pushy as he was, and we actually decided to change out a couple of things. I don't know that anyone will buy the stuff on that registry, though, knowing that this place is an independent store and a little out of the way. (Well, plus the fact that the bulk of the items are hundreds of dollars.) But no matter; if nothing else it helps us to remember what it is we wanted, since after a while you've looked at so many things you can't remember what you liked and what you didn't.

We actually bought something today, too--Nana told us she'd buy us the stroller, and to just pick it up and she'd reimburse us, so we got it at the second store we registered at. And then came the first of many sessions of Assembling A New Purchase For The Baby. It took us awhile--talk about lousy illustrations!--but we got it done, so now we are the proud owners of a snazzy new stroller! Yay! And now we start figuring out where the heck to store all this stuff when it's not in use. Just one more reason to clean out the garage....

Where's the mute button?

My life has a new soundtrack. It's composed of grunts, sighs, huffs, groans, "Oi vey's" and the occasional "Holy crap" muttered under my breath. This new soundtrack evolved this past week when I was suddenly no long able to get up from the bed, the couch, the car (or into any of the above) without considerable effort. Tying my shoes nearly causes me to pass out, and a trip upstairs sends me panting for breath. Even though my weight seems to be holding at 175, something has apparently grown, or moved, or rearranged itself inside so as to make everything so freaking difficult.

Maybe I can buy a giant ice-shaving machine....

We're at 26 weeks today. Fourteen more weeks to go--and let that be a reminder to you for your Christmas shopping as well. It struck me this week as I was shopping for a friend's baby shower that I will never have a reason to buy my baby one of those adorable snowsuits that make their little arms stick out and pad them like the Michelin Man. I'll never buy a little sled or snow saucer to pull him or her around the neighborhood. This is a sad thing for me. Some of my favorite childhood memories involve romping in the snow, coming in with numb fingers and wrapping my hands around a mug of hot chocolate to thaw them out. There was a huge hill not far from our house that sent you sailing down into a retention basin, and it was THE place to sled after school--and one of the most dangerous, since the Older Kids would go there at night and build up little moguls that you wouldn't see till right before they launched you into the air. (My one near-unconsciousness experience came when a group of us piled onto two sleds and held onto each other to make one giant sledding mass, then hit one of these things and were sent flying in all directions. I hit my head when I landed and laid there debating whether or not to fight the overwhelming desire I suddenly had to sleep. Ah, the memories.) Snowmen in the front yard, snowball fights between houses, cross country skiing in gym class...just another bunch of experiences my kids will most likely never have. Granted, they'll have a surfing unit in high school and have their first near-unconsciousness experience when a book falls off a shelf onto their head during an earthquake, and then marvel that I didn't grow up with those events in my life. But still, I'd really like a reason to buy one of those snowsuits.

Hpyno-baby

I've been practicing my hypnobirth scripts every day, and I've discovered that the baby gets really active when I get into my ultra-relaxed state. It's so funny! I can't tell if s/he is saying, "Hey, come on, get up and move!" or if s/he gets some kind of oxygen rush off my deep breathing or something. And wow, those kicks are getting strong; a couple times my hand got pushed right off my abdomen! And as soon as I finish the script, s/he stops.

I've been starting to get back that state of unending hunger. I'm afraid my third trimester may be a mirror image of the first, just 45 pounds heavier: eat, eat, eat, eat, and then eat a little more. I know this stage of the game is all about baby growth, so I supposed I shouldn't be surprised, but man, it's going to be a long 14 more weeks if that's the case. And the other thing that has me worried is the fact that one only needs 300 extra calories a day during pregnancy (at least, that's what they say)--but you need an extra 600 when you're nursing, which I plan to do. So if I'm this hungry now, what on earth am I going to be like when the baby gets here?! Hopefully my body will feed off itself for a while and I'll lose all my pregnancy weight quickly, but I know it doesn't work that way for everyone, so we'll just have to see. Anyway, it's 10:30 AM, i've been up since 8:30, and so far I've had a bowl of cereal, two eggs, and two sausage. And yeah, I'm feeling a little munchy. Oh dear.

Baby baby, I can heart your heart beat...

Thanks to my awesome friend, Jen, I was able to lounge on my comfy couch this morning and listen to my baby's crazy thumping heart! She bought us one of these at-home doppler thingies that lets you listen in on what's up in there. Up until now I hadn't been able to hear anything other than otherworldly, vaguely underwater-like blubs, but this morning I gave it another shot after having set the thing aside for almost two weeks, and there it was, galluping away! I kept losing it when I breathed or when the baby kicked it (probably thinking to itself, "Why the heck is she pushing me?!"), so I couldn't track how fast it was for sure, but I counted at least 120 beats in a minute. WILD. I love being pregnant! It's cool freaking cool!

Down she goes...

Well, I made my first really big klutsy pregnant lady move yesterday: I tripped down a stair. Thankfully it was just one, although it was concrete--the sidewalk in a friend's new condo complex goes down about 3 inches when you move towards the parking lot--so that kinda sucked. It's weird how your brain doesn't even process what's happening, because it's so fast: all of a sudden my nose is six inches from the ground and I'm on my hands and knees saying, "What was that?!" Both baby and belly were fine, never even touched the pavement, although my left knee is scraped pretty good and swollen like heck.

Because of this little incident, last's night's bizarre pregnancy dream was about how that fall triggered labor and I had my baby--a girl, for what it's worth. Of course, this being a dream, it was only minorly surprising to me that the doctor was able to stuff the baby back inside and leave me with directions to "Lie low for a while." And then I was all bummed that we knew what we were having but still had to wait to actually get her!

What's cool is that I read in my pregnancy book today that babies born this early actually have a fighting chance of survival, thanks to all the new technology and medicines available. Can you imagine, a baby at 25 weeks be able to make it?! It's just amazing. I mean, for pete's sake, the thing's barely 1.5 pounds at the moment! You can buy Subway Sandwiches that are longer than the baby is right now! Incredible.

In other news, five of my friends have had their babies in the last month or so. One last Friday, two the Friday before, one about two weeks ago (I can't remember what day), and one the second weekend in August. Four boys and a girl; two of them to first-time moms and three of them to seasoned professionals. Congratulations to Tracy, Bradleigh, Sarah, Colin, and Rebecca!

TIme capsule ideas...

Back before Dan locked out The Learning Channel, I saw an episode of A Baby Story where the expecting parents invited all the family over for a big pre-baby dinner and had everyone bring something to put into a time capsule for the baby. I totally love this idea, but I wasn't crazy about some of the things people brought. For example, someone brought a Miles Davis CD, which would have been totally awesome if they were putting together a music collection for the baby, but didn't exactly express the current times. I'd really love to do something like this, but I can't think of very many things to put in it that would reflect 2005. So far I have:

> Front section of the newspaper from the day the baby is born
> Letters from Dan and me to the baby
> Issue of Rolling Stone Magazine
> A list of the price of various things (a house, a car, gas--who knows what it'll be at by December!--milk, bread, eggs, etc.)
> Photo of our house and family

That's it. I would love to hear any ideas y'all have, including any twists on the time capsule concept. Thanks!

Hypnobirthing, part II

The term "hypnobirth" catches people off-guard, and it's all because of that 'hypno' prefix. As soon as people hear that, they instantly think of hypnosis shows and magicians making people quack like ducks or other random things. The truth is, hypnotherapy (of which hypnobirth is a specialized branch) is a completely legitimate brach of psychology that teaches people that their mind has incredible power to affect their body. In Eastern cultures, the acceptance of the mind's power is no big deal--hence the reason things like yoga and meditation are such a big part of their philosophies and religions. All hypnosis is is harnessing your thoughts and focusing them in a particular direction.

All hypnosis is self-hypnosis. No one can "hypnotise" you without your permission, because you are the one who has to do all the thinking! It's also not some weird form of voodoo where you're opening yourself up to demons or spirits or anything like that. A hypnotherapist merely guides you through what you're to think about, depending on what it is you want to accomplish, and you focus your thoughts according to what your goal is.

I actually practiced self-hypnosis without realizing back in July. I had to fly to Denver for a conference, and I was terrified, because not only did I have a layover in Phoenix, which meant I'd have TWO take-offs and landings to deal with, but I had to do it all without my trusty Dramamine, which I've been taking whenever I fly for the last 25 years. For the week before the flight I was convinced I'd be a puking mess for the three hour journey, but on the way to the airport my mom suggested I do some deep breathing while waiting for the flight. Deep and focused breathing is an integral part of hypnotherapy, along with visualization, which I started doing while I waited for the flight. I imagined myself calm on the plane, relaxed and peaceful with my Walkman playing my favorite CDs, and visualized myself not even noticing the take-off and landing. And what was the outcome? I never once felt nauseated, never once felt jittery or nervous, and when I landed in Denver (amidst a thunderstorm, even!) I felt GREAT.

Hypnobirth instruction starts with relaxation, because a relaxed body is the key to a pain- and stress-free birth. (And I know you're reading that "pain-free" part with a dubious expression on your face, but it's true!) When you get super-stressed, like many women do during labor, your body goes into fight-or-flight mode and drains blood away from non-essential organs. The uterus is considered non-essential because it's not going to help you get away or fight, so stressing during labor actually deprives the uterine muscles of the one thing they need most to function with top efficiency. when you're relaxed, your uterus gets all the blood it needs to properly function. The relaxation techniques they teach you help you not only to be relaxed, but to also focus your thoughts, because your mind can't get anything done when your throughts are all scattered. (Can I get an "Amen!" from those with ADD?) Your mind is key in attaining the pain-free part of a HB birth, because your mind actually has the ability to change the way you perceive things.

Think about Navy SEALS and others who are trained for high-risk missions. They receive training in dealing with torture in case they get captured, and part of their training is in pain management: changing the way their mind and body perceives what is happening to it. They don't feel the pain of a beating the way we would, because they know how to talk themselves into feeling something else. HB teaches that you can perceive what you feel during birth as numbness, tingling, pressure, or just a general sensation.

The last element of HB is recognizing that your body knows exactly what it's doing when the time comes to give birth. It doesn't need you grunting and pushing to help--in fact, by doing so you actually override the body's own natural birthing process and make things more difficult and painful for both you and the baby. In HB you "breathe the baby down," which consists of...breathing. That's it! A quick, deep breath in and a slow, even breath out allows the body to do what it needs to do. THAT'S IT. The typical HB birth takes 4-5 hours from start to finish, as opposed to the 8-24 hour births you so often hear about. Why? Because you're providing the uterus with the blood it needs, you're not tensing up and slowing down the process, and you're working with your body as opposed to trying to commandeer the process.

I'm sure you can see now why I'm so excited about this! Even though it's my first birth experience, I'm SO looking forward to it--I'm not nervous, not scared, not worried, because I trust myself to be able to utilize the skills HB is teaching me to achieve a beautiful birth. I hope this post helps shed some light on this whole HB thing and convinces some people to look into it for their own births. I'd love to hear from anyone who has POSITIVE birth experiences using HB, and anyone with questions--but those of you who feel compelled to "talk some sense into me" or "give me a dose of reality" please keep your opinions to yourself. Every story I hear becomes part of my mental portfolio of expectations--help me fill it with good images!

Hypnobirthing

First of all, before I even talk about what hypnobirthing is like and what I'm learning, I wanted to make a comment about a trend I've noticed among women who have given birth. Now, I know that the tendency in all people is to want to "one-up" each other--"You think THAT'S bad, you should hear what I did/went through/whatever!" But I've noticed it is especially prevalent in the telling of birth stories, and that anyone who dares to think that birthing could be, say, peaceful, or calm, or even enjoyable without the use of drugs, is quickly told they're nuts. "Honey," the say, "once you get in that delivery room, it'll all go out the window and you'll be screaming for the epidural like the rest of us." Now, I know that people mean well, and they are simply trying to spare me from disappointment, but frankly, being a wet blanket and a nay-sayer is hardly the way to encourage someone. And if someone told you, "You know, I think I've found a way to make the most sacred and beautiful event in your life actually resemble something sacred and beautiful," wouldn't you at least give them a chance to prove it true or false before you started doubting?

Here's where I'm coming from. People have been asking, as people will do, if we plan to have a natural birth or go for the drugs. "We're doing hypnobirth," I'll respond. "It's a combination of deep relaxation and using your mind to control what your body feels." To which people say one of two things:

1. "HYPNObirth?! Is that like 'You're getting sleeeeeppppyyyy...'" (insert pantomime of someone swinging a pocketwatch in front of your eyes a la old school hypnosis) Then they laugh that condescending "Oh, you naive, silly thing you" laugh.

or

2. "So you're going natural? Are you crazy? I don't understand why anyone would go natural when you can have the drugs and not feel anything. They don't give out awards for going natural, you know. Anyway, people always say they're going to have a natural birth, but almost all of them end up getting the drugs. Don't close yourself off to the idea."

Now, forgive me, but I think ridiculing or discounting someone's approach to ANYTHING is uncalled for, and if you think the person is nuts, then of course you reserve the right to think that, but you'd best get all the facts before you make your final judgment, especially out loud to their face.

So now I don't even tell people what we're doing, which makes me really, really sad, because I am so loving this approach that I'm seriously considering training to become a hypnobirth practitioner once the baby is a bit older.

SO why am I so loving this hypnobirthing thing? For two reasons: one, because I know that the power of the mind is something we in the western world tend to underrate, and yet it is proven time and again that our thoughts have incredible power over our physical bodies, and two, because I've SEEN it work.

At our first HB classs, we got to watch two birth videos of women employing the HB method. (Yes, they were those full on, "Oh my heavens, there's the baby's head coming right outta there" type videos.) Now, think back to every movie birth, TV birth, heck, probably even real-life birth that you've ever seen, and think of how you'd describe it. How about 'painful?' How about 'accompanied with lots of screaming and crying?' How about 'chaotic,' what with all the bright lights and all the people and everyone yelling, "Push!" Well, here is a description of both the births I saw: Quiet. Calm. Reverent. Peaceful. Not a single cry or yell from the mother. Not a single urgent "Push!" from the doctor. Both women would feel a surge (HB-speak for "contraction") coming on, would close their eyes, and would lie quietly on the table without puffing, gasping, moaning, or even wincing. After it passed, their eyes would open and they'd resume whatever it was they'd been doing before--eating Jell-o, chatting with their husbands. And then when they felt they were ready to breathe the baby down (there's no pushing in HB) they simply said, "I'm ready," and the doctor would check to see if they were fully dilated, and if they were, they began to...breathe. That's it. Albeit they breathed deeply and slowly, but never once did they squish up their faces and "bear down," never once did someone stand beside them yelling, "Five more seconds, Four more! Three!" They simply held their partner's hand, closed their eyes, and breathed. And then the baby was born.

And you know what was fascinating? The babies didn't emerge screaming. They weren't shaking. They were calm. The made little baby noises as they tested out their lungs, but they weren't red in the face and flailing their little fists in the air like they'd just been ripped from paradise. Why? Because however traumatized the mother is during birth is how traumatized the baby is. It can hear you screaming if you're screaming. It can hear you berating your husband for getting you into this mess. And if you're pushing, it is being squeezed more than necessary. So no wonder babies are typically born in the middle of a tantrum! But HB babies are mellow babies from the get-go--a trait they say tends to stick with them as they grow up.

So, THAT is why I'm doing hypnobirth. Because I believe western medicine has convinced women that birth is supposedto be painful, issupposedto be scary. Heck, dcotors get a lot more money from the insurance company when drugs are used or c-sections are performed. (HB practically puts them out of a job!) Because of the fact that women in third-world countries don't associate pain with birth, and will work in the fields up until it's time to give birth, and are usually back out in the field a few hours later. Because I'm convinced the body knows what it is doing and doesn't need us trying to control the situation. THAT is why I'm doing hypnobirth.

Well, now that you have my treatise on the why's, I've got to go tutor for a bit, but when I come back I'll jump into the what's of hypnobirthing. In the meantime, please check out hypnobirthing.org and read some of the incredible birth stories. If you're planning on having a baby ever again in your life, I hope what you read here and on that website will encourage you to check out HB.