24 weeks!

Yikes, it's been awhile since I posted. Sorry about that, all three of you who are reading. :)

So yesterday I hit 24 weeks and 20 pounds gained. The holiday season is already killin' me on the weight issue! But I don't care. I'm still way ahead of the game compared to last time.

We have officially decided to hire the midwife, and my first appointment with her is the 11th, the day before we leave for Hawaii. The timing sucks--it takes at least 45 minutes to get there, and the appointment itself is at least an hour long, possibly 1.5 hours, so I'm looking at around 3 hours or more of my day down the drain when I will most certainly have twelve million things to do for the trip. But oh well.

I was at the chiro today getting my butt pummeled. My stupid muscles are SO JACKED UP. Sitting hurts, standing hurts, walking hurts, lying down hurts. Except when it mysteriously doesn't. There's a new prenatal yoga series starting at the new studio in town; I'm going to get some info and see if maybe that helps. What really sucks is that tomorrow Dan and I are taking the entire day to clean out the garage, and I just know I'm going to be of NO help to him whatsoever. I feel so bad. The last time we did a big garage clean I was pregnant and had the same issue. Why do we keep doing this when I'm quasi-paralyzed?!

It's official!

Well, I made the call yesterday to hire the midwife--we are officially doing a homebirth! I am so excited. The midwife is tremendous--a sweet disposition, obviously extremely knowledgeable and experienced (she's caught six HUNDRED babies!), and a strong Christian to boot. And I started thinking last night about how different it will be do do this at home as opposed to the hospital: how I'll be free to do pretty much whatever I want and not treated like I'm sick, how I won't have to deal with people who don't get the hypnobirthing thing (like the second nurse we had who barged in, turned on the lights, and started rearranging the room while talking a mile a minute and completely ignoring Dan as he tried to clue her in to the kind of environment I wanted to stay focused), and how I won't have to worry about the staff automatically thinking, "Well, she's *trying* for a vbac" as though my chances are slim and they're just humoring me. Michelle (midwife) is confident I can. (In fact, her transfer rate for vbacs is 2 people over the course of the 15 years she's been doing this!) And *I* of course am confident that I can, or else I wouldn't be doing it!

So I chatted with the baby a bit last night and told him/her about our plan and how cool it would be to do this here, and how I really needed him to cooperate. I think s/he was understanding. :)

So now I have the unpleasant task of announcing to my OB that I'm leaving her practice. To say I'm dreading that conversation would be a VAST understatement. Michelle does well woman care as well, so I won't have to go back to Dr. Robinson, like, ever. Which is sad in a lot of ways because, truly, she's a lovely and wonderful woman, and an excellent doctor. But I need to be cool when we talk because I want her to be my backup in the extremely unlikely event that I get transferred. So yeah, that'll be fun: "I don't want you to deliver this baby, really, but I do want to keep you in my back pocket just in case. You're my second choice, really." everyone just loves knowing they're your second choice.

Paradigm Shift

I signed up for my hypnobabies class. Have I talked about that on here yet? Those of you who joined us for our last pregnancy probably remember that I took hypnobirth classes and couldn't stop raving about how awesome they were. They got me through 20 hours of labor PAIN FREE. Well, one of the women in my book club is a certified hypnobabies instructor, which is a different program but still a self-hypnosis program that helps you have a pain-free or nearly pain-free birth. She's giving me a break on the tuition for the classes so I'm taking those this time around, just to add some different tools to my arsenal.

So anyway, I signed up and she sent me the information packet, and on the last sheet she had a list of "cool" OBs and midwives. The midwife thing started me thinking. And y'all know how dangerous that can be.

Anyway, after some mulling, I started to realize a few things:

1. My OB, who told me at my intake appt that I was a great VBAC (vaginal birth after ll be, "Oh, she's *trying* for a VBAC. But she couldn't deliver last time, so..." And then, the minute the birth stops looking textbook, they'll start in with the "Well, you tried, you gave it a good effort, but it looks like you're just not meant to do this." Which is crap. But hey, they have to get that bed cleared so they can get someone else in there. And a c/s means payday for the anesthesiologist, the surgical team, the OB...

3. My c/s last time was unnecessary. There was no distress for either Abby or me. I dilated to 9.5 cm, so it's not like I wasn't progressing. Basically, the doctor and the nurses just didn't know what else to do for me. When things stop going according to plan, their arsenal is pretty much "break water--pitocin--epidural--c/s." No one stopped to say, "Hey, the baby seems to be doing fine, the mom has progressed, there's just *something* keeping the baby up there. Why not try changing her position?" (They had me on my back on the bed the whole time.) "Why not try changing the baby's position?" (Turns out that probably would have worked--the only problem was that she was was tilted at the entrance to the birth canal.) Nope, they just said, "Sorry, you tried, but it ain't working."

Okay, so, mulling over, I found myself pretty depressed. It's not so much that I'm DYING to have a natural birth, so much as it's an issue of me NOT wanting ANOTHER UNNECESSARY major surgery. Especially since I don't get to come home and lie around with a baby--I have to come home and take care of a toddler who isn't going to get why Mommy can't lift her up, plus will probably be a little irritated with this squalling, squirming blob that gets to nurse when she, Abby, doesn't get to anymore. Oh, the issues!

But, there is definitely a great desire to have a natural birth. My body was built by God to do it. It's an experience I very much want to have.

So when I saw the list with midwives on it, I started thinking. Women who birth with midwives have a much lower occurrence of c/s, and far fewer medical interventions. One of the area hospitals has two midwives who work there, one of whom a number of my friends go to and who comes highly recommended. The wheels began to turn.

And then I saw the third midwife name on the list. Next to it was the acronym HBAC. As in "homebirth after cesarean."

Homebirth.

I've never, never considered a homebirth before. But suddenly it seemed to me to be the absolute ideal. The privacy, the freedom, the simplicity--how could I not give this a try?

On November 12 we have a consultation with this midwife, Michelle Freund. She called me yesterday and apologized for not returning my call sooner--she caught three babies in 24 hours over Wednesday and Thursday so she'd been, shall we say, a little preoccupied. She's located in Oceanside, about 40 minutes south of here. I've been emailing Dan with links to various sites that discuss the practical side and safety of homebirthing, and a short discussion today revealed that, while not enthusiastic about the thought, he *is* supportive of it if it's what I really want to do. I think that the meeting with the midwife will clarify a lot for him.

So at this point, I think it's safe to say that my chances of an HBAC are much better than my chances of a hospital VBAC. I don't relish the thought of telling my OB I'm leaving her practice--I'm strongly tempted to just send her a letter--and I'm not expecting any support from my girlfriends, not that they'll be vocally unsupportive, but I will get weird looks and feel like no one realizes that I've actually done research on all this and didn't just wake up one day saying, "Hey, here's an idea, let's just stay home!" But they already think I'm nuts and crunchy, so oh well. It would be nice to have them gush and fawn and emphatically agree that this is how a baby's entrance in the world is supposed to be, but they won't and I'll get over it. I've got enough barely-contained excitement to last me awhile.

Week 20--so much news!

Yay! Halfway there! We had our big ultrasound smack on my 20 week "anniversary" and the baby performed splendidly. The tech kept saying, "Beautiful anatomy!" and gushing over how well placed s/he was. The only tiny thing is that one of the waste-removal tubes in one of the kidneys was measuring slightly too big--but the tech said that it fixes itself in 90% of cases. We may get called in for another ultrasound in a month to see how it's doing. We're not stressing, given how slight the anomaly was.

Here are a couple photos of the little bean!

Lovely little head!

Lovely little foot!

Lovely little hand!

My total weight gain so far is 14 pounds--exactly where I should be. :)

Week 19

Can't believe we're almost halfway through with this pregnancy! I've only gained 13 pounds, and I'm still feeling really good. And the baby is MOVING! Really rolling and kicking. I love this part! S/he gets really active when I lie down at night in bed, and quite often jumps and jives in the middle of the night.

My ultrasound is next Tuesday at 11:30. Dan's still having headaches, but they've settled into an every other day pattern, so provided he sticks to that (or stops having them altogether) he should be fine that day. He missed Abby's big u/s because of the headaches, so he really, really wants to be at this one.

I kind of feel like I might be getting sick again, but I don't know if it's an actual cold or just a reaction to all the smoke in the air. It's worse today; even with the house all sealed up I could smell it quite strongly when I got up this morning. Abby's nose has been runny, too, and we're all sort of sneezy and congested. Abby's nose was making all sorts of odd noises last night while she was sleeping!

17 weeks and we're having a boy! Maybe!

Okay, so I blimped a bit this week. I've gained a total of 11 now, but that's still not bad, right?! And my boobs TOTALLY exploded in the last 48 hours, so at least one of those pounds has got to be on my chest, and I"m pretty sure that's not affected by food.

Tomorrow is my next appointment!

Let's see, what else. Oh, yes, the boy thing. So here's what happened. I was just about to fall asleep the other night when the baby gave a walloping kick, especially given how I've hardly felt any kicks at all. But this was strong enough to move my hand! And the first thing that came out of my mouth, totally unbidden, was "Wow, that was quite a kick, little guy!" Then I was like, "Did I just say 'little guy'?" And then--and yes, this is weird, I know--it was like a voice in my head said, "Yes, because it's a boy." And then there was this instant bond with the baby, which was just amazing because I've felt so unconnected. So yes, it's totally possible that I'm off my nugget and we're NOT having a boy, but now I'm totally psyche for one. And if I'm wrong, that's okay, too--I'd love to have another girl. I can't lose!

It moved!

Okay, I'm totally feeling little tiny kicks right now! Woohoo!!!! And yet, it STILL doesn't feel real that I'm pregnant. I swear, the kid's gonna be in my arms before I finally go, "Oh, wow, we're having another baby!"

I hit the 4 month mark on Tuesday, and have still only gained a total of 9 pounds. Let me tell you, I'm over the moon. I was 20 pounds by this point last time. TWENTY POUNDS people. Insanity!!!

Still no "feeling" about whether it's a boy or a girl. Though I did have my first baby dream! I dreamed we went in for the "big" ultrasound, and they gave us the baby right there and then, all swaddled up, but said that it technically hadn't been born yet, we still had 20 weeks to go. I was like, "But I don't want to know the sex until it's actually born; how am I going to live with it for 5 months and not find out?" The tech said, "Well, when it's time to take off the diaper, one of you hold the baby in the air with your eyes closed, and the other person can change the diaper from behind." So then it flashed to Dan and I changing the baby, with him holding it and me staring at its little baby butt trying to figure out how to put the diaper on this way, when it hits me, "All I have to do is peek and I'll see the sex!" Then I said to Dan, "Let's just look!" "No, we waited with Abby, we can wait this time!" he insisted. But his eyes were closed and he couldn't see what I was doing, so I peeked--and it was a girl! And then I felt so bad because I knew there was no way I could admit I'd looked, but I knew he'd be so happy to know it was another girl, and I just sat there with the diaper in my hand, feeling horribly guilty. And then I woke up.

Ooooooooooookay.

From panic to bliss in 3 minutes flat.

I FINALLY had a prenatal appointment yesterday. It feels like forever since I'd been in for one, and in reality it had only been, like, 5 weeks. But lately I've been feeling so NOT pregnant that I'd been counting the hours until I could hear the heartbeat.

And then the doctor couldn't find it.

She's all calm, shoving the little doppler thingie around and explaining the sounds we're hearing, though all I'm thinking is "Yes, but it's NOT THE HEARTBEAT." Finally after a couple minutes she says, "Well, I think we ought to try an ultrasound."

*Panic*

See, in the past, getting an ultrasound has meant getting a script from her, and then either making an appointment (as though there's any way I'm going to mentally last another 24 hours, much less 2 or 3 or 4 days depending on how busy the ultrasound office is) or going to the ER and weathering THAT environment for however long it takes for someone to spare five minutes to check you out. But then she said she'd finally gotten an ultrasound machine, so we could just hop over to the other room and take a look-see. Hallelujah! And what did we see?

A head, a spine, a hand, two thigh bones, and a heart beating around 140! Now obviously those aren't the only bits and pieces the kid has so far, it's just that, given its position (which was squished up to the top of the uterus, which is why Dr. Robinson couldn't find it) things were a little hard to see. Plus, at 14 weeks, the baby is just a wee thing of 3 or 4 inches, so it's hard to see much else anyway. But it kicked and squirmed away from the pressure of the ultrasound thingie, and we just sat and looked at the heart doing its thing for a few minutes. Lovely.

So I went from not only total panic but also from a sense of disconnect from this pregnancy to feeling very much the expectant mom again. Dan and I talked on the way home about how neither of us has much of a sense of what the sex might be, whereas the first time around we had such definite (and right on!) impressions, but I wonder if, now that I've seen it, I'll start to bond more. Regardless, I'm just relieved to know that all is well. :)

Week 14!

Well, I was a little late checking my weight for this month because we were up in Ventura visiting Dan's parents, but this morning I checked and I'm still only 7 pounds up! Unbelievable! I *knew* my last weigh-in was a fluke. Though I would not have been surprised to find I'd gained 2 or 3 pounds this week, given the way I've been eating (an entire order of Papap John's cheese sticks, anyone?)

On the way back from Ventura yesterday we stopped at the Camarillo Outlet Mall because they have a Maternity Works there. When I dragged out my stuff before the trip to get out some long-sleeved stuff (it's in the 60's up there, though we're getting there here, too! Yay for autumn!) I realized a great chunk of it is missing. I honestly have no idea where it all is. Upon further rumination it struck me that the clothes in the bags I'd been digging through were the things I'd been wearing in the months after Abby was born; I think that a lot of it got boxed/bagged before she even arrived because much of it was warm weather stuff and much of it I simply outgrew because I was a giant honking blimp. But given the current state of our garage there is NO way I'm going to find those things until we completely clean, which we hope to do soon, but until then I am woefully unprepared, clothing-wise. But the great thing about the outlet store, especially when it's having a giant sale, is that you can get a decent amount of stuff for a little over a hundred bucks. Which is what I did. Cute stuff, too; I think I'll be better dressed while pregnant than when not!

One down, two to go

I'm a little late posting this, but as of Tuesday I am officially done with my first trimester! Woohoo! It's about time. Man, that went slow.

My total first trimester weight gain was seven pounds. That's it!!! I'm stunned, and totally stoked. Heck, even if I gain 10--or, heaven forbid, 15--for the next two trimesters, I'll be in SUCH good shape. What a relief.

I did a prenatal yoga workout the other day. I bought a DVD off Amazon called "The Divine Mother." It sounds totally cheesy, but it was actually really good. The woman that leads it is 36 week pregnant, and she's joined by two other women who were, like, 17 months and 20-something months. Anna, the lead woman, narrates over the video of them doing the exercises, rather that speaking while doing them, and she has a beautiful, calming voice. She'd be great for reading hypnobirth scripts! The relaxation parts were sooo lovely, but the workout parts totally kicked my hiney! I did it two nights ago and I was more sore this morning than I was yesterday, but still not as sore as I expected to be, so that's encouraging. My chiropractor has also written me a script for physical therapist-led pilates, which I hope to start soon. I just have to find out how much my insurance is going to cover. Hopefully between that and the yoga I won't have the muscle issues I had last time. Though today I really started feeling the ligament pain that crippled me 3rd trimester last time--that's WAY earlier than it was last time, and that's a little discouraging to think I'll have to deal with it for so much longer this time. This is one of the reasons we got adjustable beds, however: so that, when I'm pregnant and start having the ligament issues that relegated me to the recliner for the last month back in 2005, I'd be able to stay in our bed. We just have to shift Abby over towards Dan's side and get her used to sleeping there instead of between me and the bed rail, which I have to remove to adjust the bed.

So I've been giving myself a little cereal treat every Tuesday night to celebrate another week down. I bought one of thoe 8-box variety packs that had, like, Cocoa Puffs and Golden Grahams and Cheerios and--the box I'm saving for last--Lucky Charms. It's been perfect, really; it gives me something to look forward to, satisfies my sweet tooth for the night, and helps me to curb my cereal craving for the whole week. What a change from my 2-bulk-boxes-a-week addiction when I was preggo with Abby!

11 weeks

Aw yeahhhhh....back down to 5 total pounds gained as of this week! Can I tell you how happy I am? Very, very, very. To think at this point last time I was over 10 pounds already. Lord have mercy!! I just finished a giant bowl of green beans, and while it is definitely not my fav food, it's much easier to eat when I see the results every week on that scale.

Zantac is my hero

My OB said I could take Zantac to help with the insane hunger issue, so last night I popped one before bed, and let me tell you, I feel like a new woman. I wasn't ravenous in the middle of the night (not even during the 1.5 hours I stared at the ceiling with insomnia), and here we are at 1:15 in the afternoon and I STILL haven't had that gnawing pain yet. Not that I haven't been hungry--I've just been normal. Blessedly normally hungry. WOOHOO!

Yesterday was my first appointment with my OB, who I absolutely adore. Few women can say they actually look forward to their annual exam every year, but I honestly can say that I do. I wish I could figure out what exactly it is about Dr. Robinson that is so wonderful, but it's hard to put my finger on. She's somewhat soft-spoken, and her voice is very calm and warm. She's very gentle and always lets you know what she's about to do, so you're not caught off-guard by cold fingers in intimate places. She's the most thorough explainer I've ever met; ask her a question and you get the same answer about four times, in different words, along with some ancillary information and possibly even other doctors' opinions on the subject that may differ from hers. Makes the appointments rather long sometimes, but I never mind.

She freaked me out, though, by launching into the appointment with the sentence, "So the pendulum is swinging in the other direction when it comes to doing VBACs." (VBAC, for the acronymally-challenged, is "vaginal birth after c-section.") Those of you who were with me during the first pregnancy know how much planning and work I put into having a natural birth, and how crushed I was when I ended up with an emergency c-section. Dr. Robinson was sure to do the kind of incision that allows you to do a VBAC, and all along that has been the plan for Baby #2. However, the hospitals in the area are changing their policy and now require a doctor to be ON the hospital campus the ENTIRE time a VBAC woman is in labor there. So, for example, rather than coming and checking on me and then going back to her office to see patients and get some work done, Dr. Robinson will have to get there as soon as it's determined I am in active labor, and will not be able to leave until the baby is delivered, be it 3 or 6 or 12 hours later. Think what this does to her office! All those patients have to be rescheduled. Or if it's in the middle of the night, she can't nip off to home for a quick nap. Apparently a lot of the doctors are just saying "No more VBACs!" But my doctor is the bomb and understands that a woman should have that choice, so long as it is likely she can deliver, and given the circumstances of Abby's birth, she doesn't think the same thing will happen again and believes I will be a successful VBACer. 'Course it took about 15 minutes for her to get to the point where she made it clear that I would still be able to try for a VBAC, and for that whole time she was talking I was trying to decide if I should look for another doctor or what. Because as much as I love and adore her, I don't want another c/s. Thankfully I won't have to make that choice. Whew!

Well, Abby's sleeping and I'm getting peckish (Ha! Peckish! Not voraciously hungry and about to eat my arm off! I love it!) so I'm off to forage in the kitchen. Got some more YUMMY hummus at the farmer's market yesterday, and some more yummy giant carrots to dip in it, so I'm thinking that's my next dish. Though the snack packs of sugary cereal I splurged on at Target yesterday are calling awfully loud...

YES!

Nine weeks today, and a happy surprise when I hopped into the scale: I'm DOWN 1.2 pounds! Score!

I was so out of it yesterday. I got a decent night's sleep the night before, but I still ended up spending about 2.5 hours dozing on the couch during the late morning/early afternoon. A bad mommy day--Abby watched Blue's Clues the whole time. Though she did it her way, meaning she watched about 1/4 of that time and spent the rest playing. So I didn't feel *too* bad.

Eight weeks

Well, I gained nearly two pounds this past week, so that kind of sucks, but I barely exercised and I was out of town for basically a week, so that explains it--you never eat well on vacation, you know?

Today was my intake appointment at my ob's. The staff there is so great. I always look forward to going there, everyone is so pleasant. And my doctor rocks the casbah. If you're in SoCal and need an ob, Dr. Ming Robinson is the one to go for. LOVE her.

Our little Peppercorn has knees and elbows and bends them now--even though it's only 5/8 of an inch long! Isn't that just amazing?

Oh Happy Day!

Today marks week seven--33 to go!--and I gained LESS than a pound this past week! Woohoo!! That makes it a total of about 3 pounds. So far so good. The hunger thing is actually sort of coming and going--the last couple days I've gone quite a while without being horribly hungry--though when it finally hits it REALLY hits hard. And there are still times when I've eaten SO MUCH and I'm still hungry. Very frustrating. But I'm still able to eat protein, for the most part--it's getting harder, but I'm doing it! :)

Say "Cheese"!

Today we got to go in for an ultrasound! The tech said everything looks great. we even got to see the heart beating--can you believe there's a beating heart at SIX WEEKS?! And some people say it's not life--WHATever.

Anyway, here is Baby Morrow's first picture:


Now, I know you probably won't believe me, but I swear it's true. Dan had Abby on his lap in the ultrasound room, and as the tech began the scan Abby pointed to the screen--which had that blobby image on it that looks like nothing whatsoever--and said, "Baby." Oh, and the other day she pointed to my stomach and, thought she usually says "baby" because we've been telling her there's a baby in my tummy, this time she said, "Girl." So, Abby the prophetess has spoken.

Ugh.

Had my first bout of morning sickness this morning. I started out fine, had breakfast and everything, and then while Abby and I were outside playing I started feeling nauseated. I think if I'd run back in and eaten something it might have helped, but I left it too long and then I was just miserable for the next hour and a half. :( I did manage to choke down one of my protein shakes from my nutritionist, and I think that definitely stopped it from getting any worse, but it didn't exactly make it feel any better.

The hunger thing is just as powerful as it was with Abby. I'm just hungry hungry hungry all the time. But I don't think I'm eating enough at each meal either. Abby throws a total tantrum if I spent more than ten minutes cooking and eating, and with the short fuse I have right now thanks to my raging hormones I'd rather give her my attention and thus shut her up than listen to the screaming. I just can't take it right now. I hope that goes away; I don't like feeling so short with her. What I wouldn't give for a personal chef.

I'd post more, but I have to go eat. Surprise surprise. Oh, forgot to post this yesterday, but my weight at 5 weeks is 132.

And so it begins

Today I am officially five weeks pregnant. March seems sooooo far away, but when I think of it in terms of weeks and realize I only have 35 left, it suddenly seems far too soon!

Abby has taken to using my stomach as a drum. I don't know why she started doing this now but for some reason she has, and she does it a LOT. And thinks it's hilarious. At least Peppercorn doesn't have ears. Or anything else at this point, for that matter.

Peppercorn, you ask? Yes, I've nicknamed Baby #2 Peppercorn, not for any significant reason other than it came up as a joke when Dan and I were thinking up names. And I get so tired of saying, "the baby" all the time. It's bad enough that I refer to it as "it" but I have to admit that I'll get attached to whatever sex I use, so for my own sanity "it" is a necessity.

I'm feeling really good so far, long may it last. I am hungry pretty much all day, just like before, but the protein aversion hasn't started yet so I'm loading up on meat while I still can. Speaking of which, my stomach calls....

The news in Abbyland

She's been babbling forever, but her new word (repeated at least ten times in a row) is her own name, with the 'b' sounding more like a 'p': "Appy. Appy. Appy." She can also shake her head (usually resulting in the shaking of her whole upper body and executed with a huge, slightly evil-looking grin) and uses the sign for "more" when eating. And speaking of eating, she's pretty much off baby food, which figures since I just stocked up and have, like, 20 jars in the pantry. She still takes some at breakfast, but the rest of the day it's bits of chicken or egg, cucumber or carrot, a myriad of fruits, and the occasional funky vegetable (like this morning, when she had green peppers).

And the best new development is that she's finally useful! I gave it a shot yesterday with, "Abby, take this (a napkin) to Daddy!" (Said with much excitement, like this is the most thrilling thing she's ever had the opportunity to do.) With a big smile she did exactly that. Vacuuming and laundry are just around the corner. ;)

Her vocabulary of words she understands is really getting impressive. You can ask her where her paci or shoe is, to come or to go to a certain place, to brush her teeth (just tried that one out yesterday), to lift her foot (for putting on her pants in the morning)--all sorts of stuff. It's incredible how much that little mind comprehends.

The Official One Year Checkup

Abby went in for her one year doctor appointment today. The best line of the visit: "She's very verbal for her age." Tell me about it.

She's in the 85th percentile for her length, which is 30.25 inches. Her weight was a little less than what we had it pegged at: 19 pounds, 12 ounces, which puts her in the thirtieth percentile! Talk about lean!

The worst part of the visit, of course, was the shot, her third in the Hib series. (One more left, hallelujah!) But she was already screaming because we were making her lie down, so the shot might not have been that bad, honestly--she was probably more annoyed than anything else. Within two minutes she was chatting away again. Oh, and we can see her top teeth coming in! Finally!